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<p>Author's notes:  Ellipse marks (...) indicate marks placed in that location by the originator of the quote.  Ellipse marks in brackets ([...]) indicate text taken out by myself from the original source, while [...?] indicates where I'm not sure if the originator of the quote meant them to be there or not.  An "(indirect)" marker indicates that the quote was obtained from the marked source, where the marked source is not the originator of the quote.

<p>Quotes added since the last revision are delineated by "*****".  (last revision 111199)

<p>I apologize in advance for any formatting errors; Word Perfect, admirable as it is as a word processor, just doesn't cut the mustard when it comes to HTML conversion, and frankly, Word Pad just, well, yeah...  So if you find any errors (like a line break where there shouldn't be one, please (=ML lewallen@aracnet.com?subject=Quote format error!|e-mail me ML=).  I've managed to catch most of them by now, but there's probably a few latent ones in there still.  Thanks.

<p>WARNING: You may find some of these quotes and sayings to be offensive.  I (=IL disclaimer.bml|DISCLAIM IL=) any and all responsibilty for any damages to you or anyone else in any way resulting from reading this text.  So if you're offended, T.S.!  Go back to 1984...

<p>The Quote Sheet of Sam.

<p>brought to you by Frungy, the Sport of Kings.
<br>-Star Control II

<p>I quote others only in order the better to express myself. 
<br>-Michel de Montaigne

<p>---------------------------------------
<br>On Life in General...

<p>It is said an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a sentence to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations.  They presented him with the words: "And this, too, shall pass away."  How much it expresses!  How chastening in the hour of pride!  How consoling in the depths of affliction!
<br>-Abraham Lincoln

<p>This greatest moral consolation, which we derive from the transitoriness of all things -- from the right of saying, in every conjuncture, "This, too, will pass away." 
<br>-Nathaniel Hawthorne

<p>*****Words are loaded pistols.
<br>-Jean-Paul Sartre

<p>*****Speech has power and few realize that words do not fade.  What starts out as a sound ends in a deed.
<br>-Abraham Heschel

<p>*****We shall not cease from exploration
<br>And the end of all our exploring
<br>Will be to arrive where we started
<br>And know the place for the first time.
<br>-From "Little Gidding V, Four Quartets" by T. S. Eliot (intro lines from the movie "Lola rennt" ("Run, Lola, Run"))

<p>I like pigs.  Dogs look up to us.  Cats look down on us.  Pigs treat us as equals. 
<br>-Sir Winston Churchill

<p>If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you.  This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
<br>-Mark Twain

<p>Once upon a time, the tale goes, a man was sentenced to death by the king. 
<br>"Wait!" he cried.  "If you delay my sentence by six months, I'll teach your horse to talk."
<br>The king agreed.
<br>Later that day the man's wife asked him, "Why would you make such an offer?  You can't possibly teach a horse how to talk."
<br>"Well," he answered, "I figure a lot can happen in six months.  There could be a revolution and a new king.  Or the king could get sick and die.  Or the king could change his mind.  Or the horse could die.  Or I could die.  Or maybe the horse <i>will</i> talk."
<br>-From the book "The Truth Machine" by James L. Halperin 

<p>42
<br>-The Ultimate Answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything (from the book <U>The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy</U> by Douglas Adams)

<p>Where am I going?  And why am I in this handbasket?
<br>-Same as above (probably inaccurate)

<p>Every now and then when your life gets complicated and the weasels start closing in, the only real cure is to load up on heinous chemicals and then drive like a bastard from Hollywood to Las Vegas.  Just roll the roof back and screw it on, grease the face with white tanning butter and move out with the music at top volume, and at least a pint of ether.
<br>-From the book <U>Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas</U> by Hunter S. Thompson 

<p>I think you're some kind of deviated prevert.  I think General Ripper found out about your preversion, and you were organizing some kind of mutiny of preverts. 
<br>-Col. "Bat" Guano (from the movie "Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb")

<p>All truth goes through three stages: First it is ridiculed; second it is violently opposed; and third, it is accepted as self-evident.
<br>-Arthur Shopenhauer

<p>How many things we held yesterday as articles of faith which today we tell as fables. 
<br>-Michel de Montaigne

<p>The price of greatness is responsibility.
<br>-Sir Winston Churchill

<p>*****[...] be not afraid of greatness.  Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.
<br>-From William Shakespeare's "Twelfth Night" (Act 2, Scene 5, line 158)

<p>That which seems the height of absurdity in one generation often becomes the height of wisdom in another.
<br>-Adlai E. Stevenson

<p>Every man takes the limits of his own field of vision for the limits of the world. 
<br>-Arthur Shopenhauer

<p>[...] it occurs to me that some people will believe almost <i>anything</i> that fits their preconceived notions.
<br>-From the book <U>The Great Shark Hunt</U> by Hunter S. Thompson 

<p>Life's a bitch and then you die.

<p>Life's a bitch and then you marry one.

<p>Life's a goddamned, stinking, treacherous game and nine hundred and ninety-nine men out of a thousand are bastards.
<br>-Unnamed newspaper editor (quoted by Theodor Drieser)

<p>If you can't dazzle them with dexterity, baffle them with bullshit. 
<br>-P. T. Barnum

<p>If you can't dazzle them with logic, baffle them with bullshit.  If you can't dazzle them with logic or baffle them with bullshit, scare the bejeezus out of them. 

<p>Eschew obfuscation.

<p>If you don't have time to do it right, do you have time to do it again? 

<p>There is no problem in driving that cannot be solved by the liberal application of gasoline.

<p>Driver's paradox:
<br> Driver: "Which way do I turn?  Left?"
<br> Passenger: "Right."

<p>Mother's paradox: "Have fun and stay out of trouble."

<p>Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour.  Talk with a pretty girl for an hour and it seems like a minute.  That's relativity! 
<br>-Albert Einstein

<p>The faster you go, the shorter you are.
<br>-Same as above

<p>There are three kinds of lies: lies, damn lies, and statistics. 
<br>-Attributed to Mark Twain

<p>There are three kinds of lies in the computer industry: lies, damn lies, and benchmarks. 

<p>I once asked a press agent for a computer company what was the reason for all this enthusiasm [about the computer industry].  He held a hand before my face and rubbed his thumb across his fingers.  "Money," he whispered solemnly.  "There's so goddamn much money to be made."
<br>-From the book <U>The Soul of a New Machine</U> by Tracy Kidder 

<p>I hate all sports as rabidly as a person who likes sports hates common sense. 
<br>-H. L. Mencken

<p>If the doors of perception were cleansed, everything would appear to man as it is, infinite.
<br>-William Blake

<p>There are things Known.  And there are things Unknown.  And in between are the Doors.

<p>Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.

<p>Light travels faster than sound.  This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

<p>You're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't. 

<p>Sometimes you get the elevator, and sometimes you get the shaft. 

<p>[James] Bond's enemies, upon capturing him, could never bring themselves to do away with him immediately.  Blinded by their egos and scorn for humanity, they found themselves strangely attracted to Bond, whom they regarded as an equal.  Inevitably, this mistake cost them dearly.  Bond saw the situation more clearly, killing with unhesitating precision.
<br>[...]
<br>Scoggins:  "I can't think of any reason for you not to kill me." 
<br>Armstrong:  "What would you do if the situation were reversed?" 
<br>Scoggins:  "I'd have killed you five minutes ago."
<br>-From the book "The Truth Machine" by James L. Halperin 

<p>Early to rise and late to bed makes a man tired, mired, and dead. 
<br>-Me

<p>Eat your cereal with a fork, do your homework in the dark. 
<br>-Mark Hunter (Christian Slater) (from the movie "Pump up the Volume") 

<p>Suicide is out.  The first thing that happens when you commit suicide is you shit your pants.  All these people you don't know are standing around going "Why?  Why?" and you've got a load in your shorts!
<br>-Same as above (inaccurate)

<p>Feeling screwed up at a screwed up time in a screwed up place does not necessarily make you screwed up.
<br>-Same as above (inaccurate)

<p>*****I'm dedicating this...unusual song to an...unusual person who makes me feel kind of...unusual.
<br>-Same as above

<p>*****Some times being young is less fun than being dead.
<br>-From the movie Pump up the Volume

<p>He died a hero they sais.  Ah remember that song: 'Billy Don't Be A Hero'.  In fact, he died a spare prick in a uniform, walking along a country road wi a rifle in his hand.  He died an ignorant victim ay imperialism, understanding fuck all about the myriad circumstances which led tae his death.  That wis the biggest crime, he understood fuck all about it.  Aw he hud tae guide um through this great adventure in Ireland, which led tae his death, wis a few vaguely formed sectarian sentiments.  The cunt died as he lived: completely fuckin scoobied.
<br>-Mark Renton (from the book <U>Trainspotting</U> by Irvine Welsh) 

<p>Some ruling class cunt, a junior minister or something, says in his Oxbridge voice how Billy wis a brave young man.  He wis exactly the kind ay cunt they'd huv branded as a cowardly thug if he wis in civvy street rather than on Her Majesty's Service.  This fucking walking abortion says that his killers will be ruthlessly hunted down.  So they fuckin should. Aw the wey tae the fuckin Houses ay Parliament. 
<br>-Same as above

<p>Society invents a spurious convoluted logic tae absorb and change people whae's behavior is outside its mainstream.  Suppose that ah ken aw the pros and cons, know that ah'm gaunnae huv a short life, am ay sound mind etcetera, etcetera, but still want tae use smack?  They won't let ye dae it, because it's seen as a sign ay thir ain failure.  The fact that ye jist simply choose to reject whit they huv tae offer.  Choose us.  Choose life.  Choose mortgage payments; choose washing machines; choose cars; choose sitting oan a couch watching mind-numbing and spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fuckin junk food intae yir mooth.  Choose rotting away, pishing and shiteing yersel in a home, a total fucking embarrassment tae the selfish, fucked-up brats ye've produced.  Choose life.  Well, ah choose no tae choose life.  If the cunts cannae handle that, it's thair fuckin problem.
<br>-Mark Renton (from the book <U>Trainspotting</U> by Irvine Welsh) 

<p>Choose life.  Choose a joab.  Choose a career.  Choose a family.  Choose a fuckin' big television.  Choose washin' machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers...choose DIY and wondering whae the fuck ye are oan a Sunday morning.  Choose sitting oan that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing junk food intae yir mooth.  Choose rotting away at the end of it aw, pishing yir last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment tae the selfish, fucked up brats ye spawned to replace yersel.  Choose a future.  Choose life...But why would I want tae dae a thing like that?  I chose no tae choose life.  I chose somethin' else.  And the reasons?  There are nae reasons.  Whae needs reasons when you've got heroin?
<br>-Mark Renton (Ewan McGregor) (from the movie "Trainspotting") (possibly inaccurate)

<p>Mark Renton: (v. o.) "The only problem wi heroin is thit ye've goat tae endure all manner ay cunts tellin ye thit:"
<br> Begbie: (pool cue in one hand, whiskey in the other, and cigarette in mouth) "Nae wey wid Ah poison mah boady wi' that shite.  Aw they fuckin' chemicals, nae fuckin wey."
<br>-From the movie "Trainspotting" (possibly inaccurate)

<p>Ah'm used tae keepin deadpan whin windin up Begbie.  Deadpan's better than dead. 
<br>-Mark Renton (from the book "Trainspotting" by Irvine Welsh) 

<p>Relinquishing junk, stage one: preparation.  For this you will need: one room which you will not leave, soothing music, tomato soup, ten tins of, mushroom soup, eight tins of, for consumption cold, ice cream, vanilla, one large tub of, magnesia, milk of, one bottle, paracetamol, mouth wash, vitamins, mineral water, lucozade, pornography, one mattress, one bucket for urine, one for feces, and one for vomitus, one television, and one bottle of Valium, which I've already procured from my mother, who is, in her own domestic and socially acceptable way, also a drug addict.  Now all I need is one final hit to soothe the pain while the Valium takes effect.
<br>-Mark Renton (Ewan McGregor) (from the movie "Trainspotting") 

<p>Whin yir oan junk, aw ye worry aboot is scorin.  Oaf the gear, ye worry aboot loads ay things.  Nae money, cannae git pished.  Goat money, drinkin too much.  Cannae git a burd, nae chance ay a ride.  Git a burd, too much hassle, cannae breathe withoot her gittin oan yir case.  Either that, or ye blow it, and feel aw guilty.  Ye worry aboot bills, food, bailiffs, these Jambo Nazi scum beating us, aw the things that ye couldnae gie a fuck aboot whin yuv goat a real junk habit.
<br>-Mark Renton (from the book "Trainspotting" by Irvine Welsh) 

<p>Heroin's got great fuckin' personality.
<br>-Sick Boy (Johnny Lee Miller) (from the movie "Trainspotting") (possibly inaccurate) 

<p>People think it's aw aboot misery and desperation and death and aw that shite, which is no tae be ignored, but what they forget is the pleasure of it.  Otherwise we wouldnae dae it.  After all, we're not fuckin stupid.  Or, at least, not <i>that</i> fuckin stupid.
<br>-Mark Renton (Ewan McGregor) (from the movie "Trainspotting") (possibly inaccurate) 

<p>As with politics, he'd eventually come around to the opposite viewpoint from the one he'd previously advocated and express it just as stridently.  All you needed to do was put up no hard front for him to argue against and he'd gradually talk himself around to your way of thinking.
<br>-Dave (full name unknown) (from the book <U>Trainspotting</U> by Irvine Welsh) 

<p>In a thousand years, there'll be no guys and no girls.  Just wankers. 
<br>-Mark Renton (Ewan McGregor) (from the movie "Trainspotting") 

<p>Ah thought ah wis bad wi drugs, but the mess some cunts make ay thir lives wi love.  It disnae bear thinkin aboot.
<br>-Mark Renton (from the book "Trainspotting" by Irvine Welsh) 

<p>[...] ah widnae mind gaun aw the wey wi a gadge, if it felt right.  Jist fir the experience.  Problem is, ah only really fancy birds.  Guys jist dinnae look sexy.  It's aw aboot aesthetics, fuck aw tae dae wi morality.
<br>-Mark Renton (from the book "Trainspotting" by Irvine Welsh) 

<p>[...] ye always want what ye cannae have and the things that ye dinnae really gie a toss aboot get handed tae ye oan a plate.
<br>-Mark Renton (from the book <U>Trainspotting</U> by Irvine Welsh) 

<p>What's morality goat dae wi politics, but?  It's aw aboot poppy. 
<br>-Same as above

<p>He doesnae care.  Because he doesnae care, he cannae be hurt.  Never. 
<br>-Same as above

<p>Some people are easier to love when you don't have to be around them. 
<br>-Dave (full name unknown) (from the book <U>Trainspotting</U> by Irvine Welsh) 

<p>Ye kin only pish wi the cock yiv goat.
<br>-Mark Renton (from the book <U>Trainspotting</U> by Irvine Welsh) 

<p>I remember [...] the Sex Pistols saying that 'no one is innocent'.  Too true.  What also has to be said though, is that some are more guilty than others. 
<br>-Dave (full name unknown) (from the book <U>Trainspotting</U> by Irvine Welsh) 

<p>Tom then asked him why he was here.  Venters said: --Ah'll go then.  He left, and the atmosphere instantly improved.  It was as if someone who had done a vile and odious fart had somehow sucked it back up their arsehole.
<br>-Same as above

<p>--It's aw a loaday shite anywey, Sick Boy meekly counters, using one of his classic tactics.  If you can't win the fine detail of the argument, then rubbish its context.
<br>-Sick Boy (from the book <U>Trainspotting</U> by Irvine Welsh) 

<p>There's nae reasoning wi some cats.  You say 'reason', they mew 'treason'.  Ken? 
<br>-Spud (from the book <U>Trainspotting</U> by Irvine Welsh) 

<p>"Spud: deek the fat radge.  Gluttonous bastard.  Ah dinnae go fir aw that shite aboot it bein a glandular or metabolic thing.  Ye dinnae see any fat bastards on tv footage fi Ethiopia.  Dae they no huv glands ower thair?"
<br>-Mark Renton (from the book <U>Trainspotting</U> by Irvine Welsh) 

<p>She'll love that child, as much as Franco'll be indifferent tae the perr wee cunt.  It'll be a smothering, indulgent, unquestioning, forgiving love, which will insure that the kid turns oot tae be jist like its daddy.
<br>-Mark Renton (from the book <U>Trainspotting</U> by Irvine Welsh) 

<p>Ah'm surrounded by the cunts thit ur closest tae us; but ah've nivir felt so alone.  Nivir in me puff.
<br>-Mark Renton (from the book <U>Trainspotting</U> by Irvine Welsh) 

<p>A standing prick hath no conscience.
<br>-From the book "Filth" by Irvine Welsh

<p>"Gangster rap is fuckin bollocks.  Gangsters my hole, it's a fuckin con job.  If yir a real gangster the last thing ye dae is hing oot in a recording studio.  Did Al Capone spend time in a recording studio?  Did he fuck!  He spent time being a gangster."
<br>-Same as above

<p>[...] the only way to handle competitors is to control their level of uncertainty.  That's what life is all about: the managment of your opponents' uncertainty levels. 
<br>-Same as above

<p>The difference between the student radicals and the Hell's Angels is that the studens are rebelling against the past and the Hell's Angels are fighting the future.  Their only common ground is their disdain for the present or the status quo. 
<br>-From the book "Hell's Angels" by Hunter S. Thompson

<p>The devil made me do it the first time.  The second time, I done it on my own. 
<br>-Waylon Jennings

<p>Me, that is Alex, and my three droogs, that is Pete, Georgie, and Dim, were sitting in the Korova milk bar trying to make up our razoodox about what to do with the evening.
<br>-Alex (Malcolm McDowell) (from the movie "A Clockwork Orange") (possibly inaccurate)

<p>We were all a bit shagged and fagged and fashed, it having been a day of no small energy expenditure.
<br>-Same as above (possibly inaccurate)

<p>Kaneda:  It must be a trap.
<br>Kei:  Then go back.
<br>Kaneda:  I must find out what kind of trap.
<br>-From the movie "Akira"

<p>I am a mushroom: Kept in the dark, fed only horse shit, and when I stick up my head, they cut it off.

<p>Mushroom management philosophy: Put 'em in the dark, feed 'em shit, and watch 'em grow.
<br>-From the book <U>The Soul of a New Machine</U> by Tracy Kidder (indirect) 

<p>*****Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other large organizations habitually engage in only because they cannot actually masturbate.
<br>-Dave Barry

<p>Learn by other's mistakes because you do not live long enough to make them all yourself.

<p>We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it -- and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid.  She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again, and that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore.
<br>-Mark Twain

<p>(Tom Cruise): "Dammit, I want the truth!"
<br>(Jack Nicholson): "You can't <i>handle</i> the truth!" 
<br>-Courtroom scene (from the movie "A Few Good Men") (possibly inaccurate) 

<p>Will: "Hey!" (pounds on window) "Hey!  You like apples?" 
<br>Jerk: "Yeah."
<br>Will: "Yeah?" (puts napkin with written note up against window) "I got a number...how about them apples?"
<br>-From the movie "Good Will Hunting" (possibly inaccurate) 

<p>Men...if you're not thinking with your wieners, you're acting directly on their behalf. 
<br>-Same as above

<p>The 6 P's: Prior Planning Prevents Piss-Poor Performance. 
<br>-SFC Jerry Childs (from the book <U>Charlie Mike</U> by Leonard B. Scott) 

<p>I often regret that I have spoken; never that I have been silent. 
<br>-Publilius Syrus

<p>*****Hesitation is the best cure for anger.
<br>-Lucius Annaeus Seneca

<p>[...] before I could come to any conclusion it occurred to me that my speech or my silence, indeed any action of mine, would be a mere futility.  What did it matter what anyone knew or ignored?  What did it matter who was manager?  One gets sometimes such a flash of insight.  The essentials of this affair lay deep under the surface, beyond my reach, and beyond my power of meddling.
<br>-From the book <U>Heart of Darkness</U> by Joseph Conrad 

<p>Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for things we did not do that is inconsolable.
<br>-Sydney J. Harris

<p>The little bikes may be fun, like the industry people say, but Volkswagens are fun too, and so are BB guns.  Big bikes, Ferraris and .44 Magnum revolvers are something beyond fun; they are man-made machines so powerful and efficient in their own realms that they challenge a man's abilty to control them, to push them to the limits of their design and possibilities.  This is one of the pillars of the Big Bike mystique that looms so large in the life of every Hell's Angel.
<br>-From the book "Hell's Angels" by Hunter S. Thompson

<p>The Edge...There is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.  The others -- the living -- are those who pushed their control as far as they felt they could handle it, and then pulled back, or slowed down, or did whatever they had to do when it came time to choose between Now and Later. 
<br>-From the book "Hell's Angels" by Hunter S. Thompson

<p>Whatever they make, if it's faster, I'll buy it.
<br>-From the book "Songs of the Doomed" by Hunter S. Thompson 

<p>[...] I am in the gambling business, for good or ill; it is the business I have chosen, and the only governing rule that we all recognize is: always sit close to an exit and never trust a man who doesn't sweat.
<br>-Hunter S. Thompson (from the book "Songs of the Doomed" ?)

<p>A closed mouth gathers no foot.

<p>I will not eat oysters.  I want my food dead.  Not sick, not wounded; dead. 
<br>-Woody Allen

<p>I hate Monday
<br>-Inscribed on a staircase railing (from the movie "The Breakfast Club") 

<p>God damn your god damned old hellfired god damned soul to hell god damn you and god damned your god damned family's god damned hellfired god damn soul to hell and good damnation god damn them and god damn your goddamn friends to hell. 
<br>-Pete Muggins (from a letter to President Lincoln)

<p>Those whom the gods would destroy, they first make proud. 

<p>It is by Caffeine alone that I set my Mind in motion.
<br>It is by the Beans of Java that the Thoughts acquire speed, 
<br>The Hands acquire Shakes, the Shakes become a Warning.
<br>It is by Caffeine alone that I set my Mind in motion.
<br>-Parody of the Spice poem in the book and movie "Dune" 

<p>You need the weatha'?  Open the winda'!  It's hot, <i>damn</i> hot! 
<br>-Roosevelt T. Roosevelt (Robin Williams) (from the movie "Good Morning Vietnam") (possibly inaccurate)

<p>You see things and say "Why?"  But I dream of things that never were and say "Why not?"
<br>-George Bernard Shaw

<p>*****All men dream, but not equally.
<br>Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds
<br>Awake to find that it was vanity.
<br>But the dreamers of the day are dangerous men,
<br>That they may act their dreams with open eyes to make it possible.
<br>-T. E. Lawrence

<p>Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
<br>-George Bernard Shaw (?) (possibly Ben Franklin)

<p>Justice and Injustice are none of the faculties neither of the body nor mind. 
<br>-Thomas Hobbes

<p>Wish in one hand and shit in the other, and see which one fills up first. 
<br>-Dennis Shannon (from the book <U>A Reckoning for Kings</U> by Chris Bunch and Allen Cole)

<p>*****When all your wishes are granted, most of your dreams will be destroyed.
<br>-Marilyn Manson

<p>Well, I be here to tell you, long as Blind Pig be here, be nobody's mo-dickin' Christmas fucked up.
<br>-Blind Pig (from the book <U>A Reckoning for Kings</U> by Chris Bunch and Allen Cole)

<p>Call for a fireman, call for a cop, and call for a pizza, and see which gets there first. 

<p>No matter how good you are at something, there are always about a million people better than you.
<br>-Homer Simpson

<p>Less talk, more sleep.
<br>-Bart Simpson

<p>Life is a sexually transmitted disease with 100% fatality. 

<p>I have found little that is good about human beings.  In my experience, most of them are trash.
<br>-Sigmund Freud

<p>*****Most men are of naught more use in their lives but as machines for turning food into shit.
<br>-Leonardo DaVinci

<p>Is sex dirty?  Only if it's done right.
<br>-Woody Allen

<p>Oh, the humanity!
<br>-A reporter during the Hindenburg crash

<p>The Horrendous Space Kablooie.
<br>-Calvin's name for the Big Bang (from the comic strip "Calvin and Hobbes") 

<p>The Monsterous Killer Death Lizard.
<br>-Calvin's name for the T-Rex (from the comic strip "Calvin and Hobbes") 

<p>You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles.  Do you understand this?  And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat.
<br>-Albert Einstein describing radio

<p>Modern man thinks he loses something--time--when he doesn't do things quickly, yet he does not know what to do with the time he gains--except kill it.
<br>-Erich Fromm

<p>To raise the question is to answer it in the negative.
<br>-Same as above

<p>He knows the universe, and himself he does not know.
<br>-Jean de la Foutaine

<p>*****As long as the brain is a mystery, the universe will also be a mystery.
<br>-Santiago Rammn y Cajal

<p>*****12:45, restate my assumptions:
<br>1.  Mathematics is the language of nature.
<br>2.  Everything around us can be represented and understood through numbers.
<br>3.  If you graph the numbers of any system, patterns emerge.
<br>Therefore, there are patterns everywhere in nature.  Evidence: the cycling of disease epidemics, the wax and wane of caribou populations, sun-spot cycles, the rise and fall of the Nile.  So what about the stock market?  The universe of numbers that represents the global economy, millions of human hands at work, billions of minds, a vast network, screaming with life.  An organism, a natural organism.  My hypothesis: within the stock market there is a pattern as well, right in front of me, hiding behind the numbers.  Always has been.
<br>12:50, press Return.
<br>-From the movie "Pi"

<p>There are two kinds of worries, those you can do something about and those you can't.  Don't spend any time on the latter.
<br>-Duke Ellington

<p>Deh blues ain't abou' makin' you feel betteh.  Dey abou' makin' other people feel wu'se, and makin' a few bucks while yo' at it.
<br>-Bleeding Gums Murphy (from the TV show "The Simpsons") 

<p>The more cynical you become, the better off you are.

<p>I may be fat, but you're ugly, and I can diet.
<br>-Sir Winston Churchill (possibly inaccurate)

<p>"Character" is what you do when no one's looking.
<br>-As seen in the cartoon "Shoe"

<p>It is not true that life is one damn thing after another--it is one damn thing over and over.
<br>-Edna St. Vincent Millay

<p>[...] it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place.  If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that! 
<br>-From the book <U>Alice in Wonderland</U> by Lewis Carroll 

<p>You must run as fast as you can to stay where you're at.  To get anywhere, you must run faster yet!

<p>Another day, another dollar, another two minutes in college. 
<br>-Me

<p>*****Another day, another dollar ... before taxes.
<br>-Me

<p>"Contrariwise," continued Tweedle-Dee, "if it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't.  That's logic."
<br>-From the book <U>Through the Looking-Glass</U> by Lewis Carroll 

<p>On the plains of hesitation
<br>Bleach the bones of countless millions
<br>Who on the brink of success
<br>Paused to rest, and resting, died

<p>Quick, cheap, good.  Pick any two.

<p>Steal from one source and it's plagiarism.  Steal from many, and it's research. 

<p>The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. 
<br>-Albert Einstein

<p>If A equals success, then the formula is: A = X + Y + Z.  X is work.  Y is play.  Z is keep your mouth shut.
<br>-Same as above

<p>Learn, compare, collect the facts!
<br>-Ivan Petrovich Pavlov

<p>The process of scientific discovery is, in effect, a continual flight from wonder. 
<br>-Albert Einstein

<p>*****That's the whole problem with science.  You've got a bunch of empiricists trying to describe things of unimaginable wonder.
<br>-From the comic strip "Calvin and Hobbes"

<p>Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
<br>-Abraham Lincoln 

<p>When in doubt, say nothing and move on.
<br>-From the book "Rendezvous with Rama" by Arthur C. Clark (indirect) 

<p>The only difference between a wise man and a fool [...] was that a wise man tended to make more serious mistakes.
<br>-From the book <U>Clear and Present Danger</U> by Tom Clancy 

<p>A learned fool is more foolish than an ignorant one.
<br>-Moli&egrave;re

<p>*****Mortifications are often more painful than real calamities.
<br>-Oliver Goldsmith

<p>He has constipation of the brain and diarrhea of the mouth. 
<br>-Mr. Arnold (substitute teacher at Aloha High School) (referring to Scott Nagel) 

<p>If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, we can't help but wonder what an empty desk indicates.

<p>*****The mouth is revving, but the brain is in neutral.

<p>I'm sorry, you must have mistaken me for someone who gives a shit. 
<br>-Bumper sticker

<p>Sometimes too much to drink is not enough.
<br>The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
<br>The careful application of terror is also a form of communication. 
<br>Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world. 
<br>Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for. 
<br>Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate. (-Thomas Jones) 
<br>I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
<br>Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
<br>If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody. 
<br>If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame. 
<br>One seventh of your life is spent on Monday.
<br>There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
<br>This is as bad as it can get, but don't count on it.
<br>Never wrestle with a pig.  You both get dirty and the pig likes it. 
<br>-From "Everything I Need to Know, I Learned in Corporate America" 

<p>A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem. 

<p>*****Another day over.  Objectives fulfilled.  Deadlines met.  Pigs fed and ready for take off.
<br>-Author Unknown

<p>*****A couple of variations of the above:
<br>THE END OF THE DAY
<br>All work completed;
<br>All customers satisfied;
<br>All staff happy;
<br>All pigs fed and ready to fly.

<p>THE END OF THE DAY
<br>All deadlines met;
<br>All bosses pleased;
<br>All important decisions made;
<br>Temperature set at 0 deg C in hell.

<p>*****A prayer for the stressed:
<br>Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I cannot accept, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill today because they pissed me off.
<br>And also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today, as they may be connected to the ass that I may have to kiss tomorrow.
<br>Help me to always give 100% at work: 12% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday, 5% on Friday.
<br>And help me to remember: When I'm having a really bad day and it seems that people are intentionally going out of their way to piss me off, that it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend my middle finger and tell them to bite me.

<p>*****First off, the characters, which are commonly referred to as 'stereotypes', are actually more accurately called 'monotypes', because the prefix 'stereo' fools you into thinking the characters may have as many as two dimensions, which of course is several dimensions more than they actually have.
<br>-Kevin Simpson

<p>[...] as always, the solution to one problem just peels back another layer and exposes some new and more sensitive area.
<br>-From the book <U>The Great Shark Hunt</U> by Hunter S. Thompson 

<p>Sometimes we forget that we are really small blobs of protoplasm journeying haphazardly through infinity.
<br>-From the book <U>The Intruders</U> by Stephen Coonts

<p>If ya ain't cheatin', ya ain't tryin'.

<p>If it's a fair fight, you haven't done your job.

<p>Even a small, inept street-fighter has a tremendous advantage over the average middle-class American, who hasn't had a fight since puberty.  It is a simple matter of accumulated experience, of having been hit or stomped often enough to forget the ugly panic that nice people associate with a serious fight.  A man who has had his nose smashed three times in brawls will risk it again with hardly a thought.  No amount of instruction in any lethal art can teach this [...]
<br>-From the book "Hell's Angels" by Hunter S. Thompson

<p>*****It's just a job.  Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand.  I beat people up.
<br>-Muhammad Ali

<p>He without benefit of scruples/His fun and money soon quadruples. 
<br>-Ogden Nash

<p>A brief definition of college degrees:
<br>B.S. -- we all know what that means.
<br>M.S. -- More of the Same
<br>Ph.D. -- Piled on Higher and Deeper

<p>Stretch pants are a privilege, not a right.

<p>1.  Everyone who shits on you is not necessarily your enemy. 
<br>2.  Everyone who gets you out of shit is not necessarily your friend. 
<br>3.  And, if you're warm and happy in a pile of shit, keep your mouth shut! 

<p>Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline
<br>If you are obsessive-compulsive: Please press 1 repeatedly. 
<br>If you are co-dependent: Please ask someone to press 2. 
<br>If you have multiple personalities: Please press 3, 4, 5, and 6. 
<br>If you are paranoid-delusional: We know who you are and what you want, just stay on the line so We can trace your call.
<br>If you are schizophrenic: Listen carefully--a little voice will tell you which number to press.
<br>If you are manic-depressive: It doesn't matter which number you press.  No one will answer.

<p>A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject. 
<br>-Sir Winston Churchill

<p>The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.
<br>-James Branch Cabell

<p>"What's optimism?"
<br>"Alas, it's a mania for insisting that everything is all right when everything is going wrong."
<br>-From the book <U>Candide</U> by Voltaire

<p>"Do you believe that men have always slaughtered each other as they do today, that they've always been liars, cheats, traitors, ingrates and thieves, weak, fickle, cowardly, envious, greedy, drunken, miserly, ambitious, bloodthirsty, slanderous, lecherous, fanatical, hypocritical and foolish?"
<br>"Do you believe that hawks have always eaten pigeons when they find them?" 
<br>"Yes, of course."
<br>"Well, then, if hawks have always had the same character, what makes you think men have changed theirs?"
<br>-Same as above

<p>"You're a bitter man."
<br>"That's because I've lived."
<br>-Same as above

<p>"I'd like to know which is worse: to be raped a hundred times by Negro pirates, to have one buttock cut off, to run the gauntlet in the Bulgar army, to be whipped and hanged in an auto-da-fe', to be dissected, to be a galley slave--in short, to suffer all the miseries we've all gone through--or to stay here doing nothing."
<br>-Same as above

<p>[...] man was born to live in either the convulsions of distress or the lethargy of boredom.
<br>-Same as above

<p>*****I walked a mile with Pleasure,
<br>She chattered all the way.
<br>But left me none the wiser,
<br>For all she had to say.
<br>I walked a mile with Sorrow,
<br>And ne'er a word said she.
<br>But, oh, the things I learned from her,
<br>When Sorrow walked with me!
<br>-From "Along the Road" by Robert Browning Hamilton

<p>Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away. 

<p>Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. 
<br>-Albert Einstein

<p>We accept the reality of the world with which we're presented. 
<br>-Christof (Ed Harris) (from the movie "The Truman Show") 

<p>ABANDON ALL HOPE, YE WHO ENTER HERE
<br>-Sign on the doorway to Hell (from <U>Inferno</U> by Dante) (possibly inaccurate) 

<p>*****I stalk the world in mortal dress -- the worst of fiends, the monster who looks exactly like everyone else.
<br>-From the book <u>The Vampire Lestat</u> by Anne Rice

<p>The three most important people in the world: Me, Myself, and I. 

<p>The beatings will continue until morale improves.
<br>-Mr. Barlow

<p>Like a blind man at an orgy, I'm going to have to feel my way through this. 
<br>-From the movie "Naked Gun 33 1/3"

<p>Like a midget at a urinal, I'm going to have to stay on my toes. 
<br>-Same as above

<p>Dis lobsta' was alive when it hit da boilin', frot'y wata'.  Oh da horra'.  <i>*CRUNCH*</i>  Da horra'.
<br>-MTV commercial (parody of a line from the movie "Apocalypse Now") 

<p>Terminator: "I need yo' clothes, yo' boots, and yo' moto'cycle." 
<br>Biker: (laughs) "You forgot to say <i>please</i>."
<br>-Part of a scene between The Terminator (Arnold Schwarzenegger) and a biker (from the movie "Terminator 2: Judgement Day")

<p>A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow. 
<br>-General George S. Patton Jr.

<p>Good enough is good enough, while perfect is always a pain in the ass and often not worth the effort anyway.
<br>-From the book <U>Without Remorse</U> by Tom Clancy

<p>Not everything worth doing is worth doing well.

<p>*****If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.  Then quit.  No use being a damn fool about it.
<br>-W. C. Fields

<p>"Goddammit!  It's time to shit or get off the pot!"
<br>-From the book <U>Arc Light</U> by Eric L. Harry

<p>Cat people should marry cat people, dog people should marry dog people. 
<br>-Danny DeVito from an unknown movie

<p>The finger that turns the dial, rules the air.
<br>-Will Durant

<p>You pays your money and you takes your choice.
<br>-Punch (?)

<p>You pays your money and you takes your frame of reference. 
<br>-From the book <U>The Forever War</U> by Joe Haldemann 

<p>Things are seldom what they seem,/skim milk masquerades as cream. 
<br>-William Schwenck Gilbert

<p>Cynic, n.  a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.
<br>-Ambrose Bierce (from <U>The Devil's Dictionary</U>)

<p>*****There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.
<br>-Same as above

<p>The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it.
<br>-George Bernard Shaw

<p>It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument. 
<br>-William Gibbs McAdoo

<p>A medium, so called because it is neither rare nor well done. 
<br>-Ernie Kovacs (referring to television)

<p>The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work, or daytime television. 

<p>By the work one knows the workman.

<p>You're traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound, but of mind; a journey into a wondrous land where the boundaries are that of the imagination.  Next stop, the Twilight Zone!
<br>-Rod Serling

<p>Arbeit Macht Frei
<br>-"Freedom through work" (German)

<p>If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen.
<br>-Harry S Truman

<p>If you can't stand the heat, don't start the fireplace. 

<p>If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

<p>If it doesn't fit, force it.  If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway. 

<p>If it's broke when you started and it's broke when you finished, you haven't hurt anything.

<p>*****One only needs two tools in life: WD-40 to make things go, and duct tape to make them stop.
<br>-G. M. Weilacher

<p>*****Duct tape is like the force.  It has a light side, and a dark side, and it binds the universe together.
<br>-Carl Zwanzig

<p>Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends toward a maximum. 

<p>Corollary of Finagle's Law (a.k.a. Hanlon's Razor): Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

<p>The Airplane Rule: Complexity increases the possibility of failure; a twin-engine airplane has twice as many engine problems as a single-engine airplane.  Also stated as: The right way to build reliable systems is to put all your eggs in one basket, after making sure that you've built a really good basket.

<p>A designer knows he has achieved perfection not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
<br>-Antoine de Saint-Exup'ery

<p>*****I have made this letter longer than usual, because I lack the time to make it short.
<br>-Blaise Pascal

<p>A penny saved is nothing in the real world.

<p>The squeaky wheel gets annoying.

<p>A journey of a thousand miles begins with a blister.

<p>*****When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.
<br>-Robert A. Heinlein

<p>THIS IS A 100% MATTER PRODUCT: In the unlikely event that this merchandise should contact antimatter in any form, a catastrophic explosion will result. 

<p>When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.
<br>-Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

<p>e ^ (PI * i) = -1.  I don't know what it means, but it is truth. 

<p>Anyone who hates children and dogs can't be all bad.
<br>-Attributed to W. C. Fields

<p>Familiarity breeds contempt--and children.
<br>-Mark Twain

<p>Gratitude is a disease of dogs.
<br>-Josef Stalin

<p>How many divisions has the Pope?
<br>-Same as above

<p>"You're an animal!"
<br>"No.  Worse.  Human."
<br>-From the movie "Runaway Train"

<p>He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man. 
<br>-Dr. Johnson

<p>No beast so fierce but knows some touch of pity./But I know none, and therefore am no beast.
<br>-From William Shakespeare's <U>The Life and Death of King Richard III</U> (act 1, scene 2, line 71) (as seen at the end of the movie "Runaway Train")

<p>Conscience is but a word that cowards use,/Devis'd at first to keep the strong in awe:/Our strong arms be our conscience, swords our law.
<br>-Same as above

<p>Having nothing, nothing he can lose.
<br>-From William Shakespeare's <U>Henry VI</U> (act 3, scene 3, line 16) (?) (possibly inaccurate)

<p>The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.
<br>-From William Shakespeare's <U>Henry VI</U>

<p>Methinks the Lady doth protest too much!
<br>-William Shakespeare

<p>Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown.
<br>-William Shakespeare (possibly from <U>Henry VI</U>)

<p>Beam me up Scotty.  There's no intelligent life on this planet. 
<br>-Bumper sticker

<p>Strong drink giveth the desire, but taketh away the ability. 
<br>-William Shakespeare

<p>*****Is it not strange that desire should so many years outlive performance?
<br>-William Shakespeare

<p>You can't wallow with the pigs at night and then soar with the eagles in the morning. 
<br>-From <U>The Great Shark Hunt</U> by Hunter S. Thompson (indirect) 

<p>Lord, what fools these mortals be!
<br>-From William Shakespeare's <U>A Midsummer-Night's Dream</U> (act 3, scene 2, line 115) 

<p>Godwin's Law: As a Usenet discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches one.

<p>Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots.  So far, the Universe is winning.
<br>-Rich Cook

<p>The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits. 

<p>Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
<br>-Albert Einstein

<p>PROGRAM  (pro'-gram)  [n] A magic spell cast over a computer allowing it to turn one's input into error messages.  [vi] To engage in a pastime similar to banging one's head against a wall but with fewer opportunities for reward. 

<p>*****Hardware : The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.

<p>*****If a train station is where a train stops, what's a workstation?

<p><STRONG>ACHTUNG!  ALLES LOOKENSPEEPERS!</STRONG>
<br>Das computermachine ist nicht fuer gefingerpoken und mittengrabben.  Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und poppencorken mit spitzensparken.  Ist nicht fuer gewerken bei das dumpkopfen.  Das rubbernecken sichtseeren keepen das cotten-pickenen hans in das pockets muss; relaxen und watchen das blinkenlights.
<br>-(one of several variations, nearly all ending with "blinkinlights") 

<p>Is that your IQ or your sperm count?
<br>-Ask it when someone gives you the finger

<p>I can't believe that out of 100,000 sperm, you were the quickest. 
<br>-Steven Pearl

<p>[...] sometimes a man has to do something he doesn't want to do in order to get a woman to do what <i>she</i> doesn't want to do.
<br>-As seen on Home Improvement

<p>Men marry women hoping they'll never change.  Women marry men hoping they will. 

<p>*****If you love something, set it free.  If it returns you have not lost it.  If it disappears and never comes back, then it was never yours to begin with.  And if it just sits there watching television, unaware that it has been set free, then you probably married it.

<p>The difference between the men and the boys is the price of their toys. 

<p>Sometimes it's easier to get forgiveness than permission. 

<p>*****My interest in the future is because I am going to spend the rest of my life there.
<br>-Charles F. Kettering

<p>The judgement of history depends on who writes it.
<br>-Richard M. Nixon

<p>History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.
<br>-Sir Winston Churchill

<p>History is more or less bunk.
<br>-Henry Ford

<p>Hindsight is always 20/20.

<p>You don't need a Weatherman to know which way the wind blows. 
<br>-Bob Dylan

<p>Here's to the crazy ones: the misfits, the trouble makers, the round pegs in the square holes, the ones who see things differently.  They're not fond of rules and they have no respect for the status quo.  You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them.  About the only thing you can't do is ignore them, because they change things; they push the human race forward.  And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius: because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world... are the ones who do.
<br>-Apple Computer ad

<p>When 900 years old <i>you</i> reach, look as good <i>you</i> will not, hmm? 
<br>-Yoda (from the movie "The Return of the Jedi")

<p>Try not!  Do!  Or do not!  There is no "try"!
<br>-Yoda (from the movie "The Empire Strikes Back")

<p>Luke Skywalker: "I don't believe it."
<br>Yoda: "That is why you fail."
<br>-From the movie "The Empire Strikes Back" (possibly inaccurate) 

<p>A fool and his money are soon parted.

<p>I'm gonna get me a coupla hard, pipe-hittin' niggers to get to work on ol' homes here.  You hear me, hill-billy boy?  I ain't through wit' you by damn sight!  I'm gonna get medieval on yo' ass.
<br>-Marcellus Wallace (Ving Rhames) (from the movie "Pulp Fiction") (possibly inaccurate)

<p>It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money. 
<br>-"Canada Bill" Jones

<p>We were born naked, wet, and hungry.  Then it got worse. 

<p>Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. 
<br>-Arthur C. Clarke

<p>Never do today what you can put off until tomorrow.
<br>-Me

<p>"They say that given an infinite length of time, a thousand monkeys with a thousand typewriters will eventually write all the works of Shakespeare."
<br>"Well, what about my report?"
<br>"Three monkeys, ten minutes."
<br>-Unknown movie or book (Simpsons?) (probably inaccurate) 

<p>I'm not very smart, but I can lift heavy things.
<br>-T-shirt

<p>Nuke a godless Communist gay baby seal for Christ.
<br>-Same as above

<p>Busier than a one legged man in an ass-kicking contest. 

<p>In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.

<p>*****"I see", said the blind man to his deaf friend.

<p>Sometimes the ability to think rationally is a curse.
<br>-Me

<p>Ignorance is bliss.

<p><i>Your newspapers sell better when you mix some blood with the ink, don't they?!</i> 
<br>-Jake Grafton to a reporter (from the book <U>Flight of the Intruder</U> by Steven Coonts) 

<p>Computers are like drugs: highly addictive, incredibly expensive, and you keep having to buy more and better to keep yourself at the same level of amusement. 
<br>-Me

<p>[...] turn on, tune in, and drop out.
<br>-Timothy Leary

<p>What Leary took down with him was the central illusion of a whole life-style that he helped create...a generation of permanent cripples, failed seekers, who never understood the essential old-mystic fallacy of the Acid Culture: the desperate assumption that somebody--or at least some <i>force</i>--is tending that Light at the end of the tunnel.
<br>-From the book "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" by Hunter S. Thompson 

<p>*****Consciousness Expansion went out with LBJ ... And it is worth noting, historically, that downers came in with Nixon.
<br>-Hunter S. Thompson

<p>Ye can lead a man up to the university, but ye can't make him think. 
<br>-Finley Peter Dunne

<p>*****Education [...] has produced a vast population able to read but unable to distinguish what is worth reading.
<br>-G. M. Trevelyan

<p>Your education is what you have left over after you have forgotten everything you learned. 

<p>*****I have never let my schooling interfere with my education."
<br>-Mark Twain

<p>A candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long, and you have burned so very brightly.
<br>-Doctor Tyrell (Joe Turkel) (from the movie "Blade Runner") 

<p>*****My candle burns at both ends;
<br>It will not last the night;
<br>But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends --
<br>It gives a lovely light.
<br>-Edna St. Vincent Millay

<p>A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. 
<br>-Gloria Steinem

<p>---------------------------------------
<br>On Wars, Conflicts, Laws, and the Military...

<p>Me against my brother, but my brother and me against the world. 
<br>-From the book "The Nanotech Chronicles" by Michael Flynn 

<p>The fact that people are poor or discriminated against doesn't necessarily endow them with any special qualities of justice, nobility, charity or compassion. 
<br>-Saul Alinsky

<p>*****There was something otherworldly about him, the way that he sat, the way he used this one hand to gesture.  It was the decorum primitive people often have that makes them seem repositors of immense wisdom, when in fact all they possess is immense conviction.
<br>-From the book <u>The Vampire Lestat</u> by Anne Rice

<p>Nature, to be commanded, must be obeyed.
<br>-Francis Bacon

<p>Gentlemen, you can't fight in here!  This is the War Room! 
<br>-The President (Peter Sellers) (from the movie "Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb")

<p>Blessed are the meek, for they shall be mowed down in the cross-fire. 

<p>The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep. 
<br>-Woody Allen

<p>When you've got 'em by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow. 
<br>-Quoted by Charles "Tex" Colson

<p>You learn very quickly that if someone hits you, you hit them back twice as hard, so they won't hit you again."
<br>-Steve Wallach (on growing up in Brooklyn) (from the book <U>The Soul of a New Machine</U> by Tracy Kidder) (indirect)

<p>Anyone who opposes us, we'll destroy.  As a matter of fact, anyone who doesn't support us, we'll destroy.
<br>-Egil "Bud" Krogh

<p>I'm NYPD!  That means I will kNock Yo' Punk-ass Down!
<br>-Special Agent J (Will Smith) (from the movie "Men in Black") 

<p>Those who like sausages or have respect for the law should not look too closely at how either is made.
<br>-Theodore Roosevelt (?) (possibly inaccurate)

<p>And if any mischief follow, then thou shalt give life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burning for burning, wound for wound, stripe for stripe.
<br>-Bible, Exodus 21:23-25 (not King James)

<p>An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.
<br>-Mahatma Ghandi

<p>He that killeth man shall surely be put to death.
<br>-Bible, Leviticus 24:17 (not King James)

<p>Blessed be the Lord, my rock, who trains my hands for war, and my fingers for battle; my rock and my fortress, my stronghold and my deliverer, my shield and He in whom I take refuge, who subdues the people under Him.
<br>-Bible, Psalms 144:1-2 (not King James)

<p>Trespassers will be shot.  Survivors will be shot again. 

<p>Press cards are nice things to have, but in riot situations a pistol is the best kind of safe-conduct pass. 
<br>-From the book <U>The Great Shark Hunt</U> by Hunter S. Thompson 

<p>[...] when you really need a pistol, you don't need a small one. 
<br>-From the book "Letter to my Descendants" by Niels A. Skov 

<p>[...] politics is the art of controlling your environment [...] 
<br>-From the book "Better than Sex" by Hunter S. Thompson 

<p>The first law of controlling your environment is to get the hell off the defensive as fast as you can.
<br>-Same as above

<p>I've seen things you people wouldn't believe.  Attack ships burning off the shoulder of Orion.  I've seen C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate.  All those moments are lost in time, like tears in rain.  Time to die.
<br>-Replicant Roy Batty (Rutger Hauer) (from the movie "Blade Runner") (possibly inaccurate)

<p>Those who kill for fun are sadists.  Those who kill for money are professionals.  Those who kill for both are mercenaries.

<p>The Body Bag Song:
<br>You're going home in a body bag, doo-dah, doo-dah,
<br>You're going home in a body bag, doo, a-doo-dah-day.
<br>Shot between the eyes, shot between the thighs,
<br>You're going home in a body bag, doo, a-doo-dah-day.

<p>Know your enemy.
<br>-Sun Tzu

<p>First become invincible.  Then destroy your opponent's invincibility. 
<br>-Same as above

<p>*****The art of using troops is this:
<br>When ten to the enemy's one, surround him; 
<br>When five times his strength, attack him; 
<br>If double his strength, divide him; 
<br>If equally matched you may engage him; 
<br>If weaker numerically, be capable of withdrawing; 
<br>And if in all respects unequal, be capable of eluding him, for a small force is but booty for one more powerful.
<br>-Sun Tzu, On The Art Of War

<p>Confusion is the ally of the prepared.
<br>-From the book <U>Clear and Present Danger</U> by Tom Clancy 

<p>In wartime, truth is so precious that she should always be attended by a bodyguard of lies.
<br>-Sir Winston Churchill

<p>A good lie will have traveled half way around the world while the truth is putting on her boots.
<br>-Mark Twain

<p>A lie repeated often enough becomes the truth.
<br>-Adolf Hitler (?)

<p>Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: "Where in hell are you from anyway, Private?" 
<br>Private Cowboy: "Sir, Texas, sir!"
<br>Hartman: "Holy dogshit!  Texas!  Only steers and queers come from Texas, Private Cowboy!  And you don't look much like a steer to me, so that kinda narrows it down!" 
<br>-From the movie "Full Metal Jacket"

<p>There is no racial bigotry here!  I do not look down on niggers, kikes, wops or greasers.  Here you are all equally worthless!
<br>-Same as above

<p>It's been swabbed...and wiped.  Everything is clean.  Beautiful.  So that it slides perfectly.  Nice.  Everything cleaned.  Oiled.  So that your action is beautiful.  Smooth, Charlene.
<br>-Private "Pyle" (a.k.a. "Fat-ass") to his rifle (from the movie "Full Metal Jacket") 

<p>There is a pleasure sure in being mad which none but madmen know. 
<br>-Dryden (John Dryden?)

<p>What is your major malfunction, numbnuts?!?  Didn't Mommy and Daddy show you enough attention when you were a child?!?!
<br>-Gunnery Sergeant Hartman to Private Pyle (from the movie "Full Metal Jacket") 

<p>When I die, bury me upside-down, so the world can kiss my ass. 
<br>-From the movie "Platoon"

<p>Never Volunteer
<br>-Infantryman's motto

<p>Live to fly, fly to fight, fight to win.
<br>-Aviator's motto 

<p>Lose sight, lose the fight.
<br>-Same as above

<p>The one that gets you is the one you never see.
<br>-Same as above

<p>Time to kick the tires and light the fires!
<br>-Same as above

<p>*****Speed is life, altitude is life insurance.
<br>-Same as above

<p>"Sidewinder" means not having to say you're sorry.
<br>-From the book <U>Without Remorse</U> by Tom Clancy (?)

<p>"I want the three most feared words in the Libyan air force to be 'Cleared for takeoff'!" 
<br>-From an unknown book (possibly inaccurate)

<p>The defense department regrets to inform you that your sons are dead because they were stupid.
<br>-Goose (Anthony Edwards) (from the movie "Top Gun")

<p>"[Vietnam's] not a very nice place is it?"
<br>"They say there's a hundred different kinds of snake there.  Ninety-nine are poisonous." 
<br>"And the other one?"
<br>"That one eats your ass whole."
<br>-From the book <U>Without Remorse</U> by Tom Clancy

<p>"Don't you Marines know how to play fair?"
<br>"Sir, 'fair' means all of my Marines get back home alive.  Fuck the others." 
<br>-Same as above

<p>The fundamental issue was the three-way balance among what he knew, what he didn't know, and how he might use the first to affect the second. 
<br>-Same as above

<p>*****The more you sweat in training, the less you bleed in combat.

<p>Marine Corps definition of ARMY: Ain't Ready to be a Marine Yet. 

<p>Army definition of MARINE: Muscles Are Required, Intelligence Not Encouraged. 

<p>Marine definition of MARINE: My Ass Rides In Navy Equipment. 

<p>This is my rifle.  There are many like it, but this one is mine.  My rifle is my best friend.  It is my life.  I must master it, as I must master my life.  Without me my rifle is useless.  Without my rifle, I am useless.  I must fire my rifle true.  I must shoot straighter than my enemy who is trying to kill me.  I must shoot him before he shoots me.  I will.  Before God I swear this creed.  My rifle and myself are defenders of my country.  We are the masters of our enemy.  We are the saviors of my life.  So be it...until there is no enemy...but peace.  Amen.
<br>-Infantryman's prayer (possibly inaccurate)

<p>Man, I be sayin' to everybody, these dudes in black pajamas, they be winnin' the war.  It they bush.  It they jungle.  They say jump, man, we jump.  Sooner or later, they come out they bush and they kick our asses.
<br>-Anonymous SP/4 of the 101 Airborne Division commenting on Vietnam 

<p>The more you use, the more you lose.
<br>-From the book "Das Boot" by Lothar-Gunther Buchheim (indirect) (said regarding torpedoes, but can be applied to many situations)

<p>I decided that the idea of a physical examination is that, if you aren't ill, then they do their darnedest to make you ill.  If the attempt fails, you're in.
<br>-From the book <U>Starship Troopers</U> by Robert A. Heinlein 

<p>Happiness consists in getting enough sleep.
<br>-Same as above

<p>[...] There is an old song which asserts 'the best things in life are free.'  Not true!  Utterly false! [...] I fancy that the poet who wrote that song meant to imply that the best things in life must be purchased other than with money--which is <i>true</i>--just as the literal meaning of his words is false.
<br>-Same as above

<p>Sometimes one pays most for the things one gets for nothing. 
<br>-Albert Einstein

<p>Age does not bring wisdom...but it does give perspective...and the saddest sight of all is to see, far behind you, temptations you've resisted.
<br>-From the book <U>Stranger in a Strange Land</U> by Robert A. Heinlein 

<p>The battle, sir, is not to the strong alone; it is to the vigilant, the active, the brave. 
<br>-Patrick Henry (from his Liberty/Death speech)

<p>There are old pilots and there are bold pilots, but there are no old, bold pilots. 
<br>-(can be applied to any hazardous activity)

<p>The difficult we do immediately.  The impossible takes a little longer. 
<br>-Slogan of the United States Army Service Forces

<p>Old soldiers never die;/they only fade away!
<br>-British Army war song

<p>We must all hang together, or assuredly we shall all hang separately. 
<br>-Benjamin Franklin

<p>Force and Fraud are, in war, the two cardinal virtues.
<br>-Thomas Hobbes

<p>Beware the fury of a patient man.
<br>-John Dryden

<p>Una salus victus nullam sperare salutem.
<br>-Aeneid by Virgil ("The one hope of the doomed is not to hope for safety.") (Latin) 

<p>Before setting out on revenge, dig two graves.
<br>-As seen in a book by Tom Clancy (?)

<p>Heat not a furnace for your foe so hot/That it doth singe yourself 
<br>-William Shakespeare

<p>The nice thing about enemies is that you know where they stand.  This is not always true of friends.

<p>*****A man's character is his fate. 
<br>-Heraclitus

<p>Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.
<br>-Mafia motto (?)

<p>Just remember, a pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the butt. 

<p>Hit hard, hit fast, hit often.
<br>-Admiral William Halsey

<p>*****Hard pressed on my right.  My center is yielding.  Impossible to maneuver.  Situation excellent.  I am attacking.
<br>-General Ferdinand Foch (at the Battle of the Marne)

<p>"It's time to break things and hurt people. [...] Let 'er rip." 
<br>-From the book <U>Arc Light</U> by Eric L. Harry

<p>The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
<br>-General George S. Patton Jr.

<p>*****It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died.  Rather we should thank God that such men lived.
<br>-George S. Patton, Jr.

<p>It is fatal to enter any war without the will to win it. 
<br>-General Douglas MacArthur

<p>In war: resolution.  In defeat: defiance.  In victory: magnanimity.  In peace: goodwill. 
<br>-Sir Winston Churchill

<p>Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings; they did it by killing all those who opposed them.

<p>*****Battles are won by slaughter and maneuver.  The greater the general, the more he contributes in maneuver, the less he demands in slaughter.
<br>-Winston Churchill

<p>*****I do not fear an army of lions, if they are led by a lamb.  I do fear an army of sheep, if they are led by a lion.
<br>-Alexander the Great

<p>Through the release of atomic energy, our generation has brought into the world the most revolutionary force since prehistoric man's discovery of fire.  This basic force of the universe cannot be fitted into the outmoded concept of narrow nationalisms.  For there is no secret and there is no defense; there is no possibility of control except through the aroused understanding and insistence of the peoples of the world.  We scientists recognise our inescapable responsibility to carry to our fellow citizens an understanding of atomic energy and its implication for society.  In this lies our only security and our only hope--we believe that an informed citizenry will act for life and not for death.
<br>-Albert Einstein

<p>[...] war appeals no longer as a rational alternative.  Unconditional war can no longer lead to unconditional victory. [...] Mankind must put an end to war or war will put an end to mankind.
<br>-John Fitzgerald Kennedy

<p>The release of atomic energy has not created a new problem.  It has merely made more urgent the necessity of solving an existing one.
<br>-Albert Einstein

<p>There is an old saying in military affairs that capability does not imply intention. 
<br>-From the book "Rendezvous with Rama" by Arthur C. Clark 

<p>Churchill...  How does it go...?  Drunkard...guzzler...paralytic...  Sure is throwing a lot of heat our way for a paralyzed drunk.
<br>-The Captain (from the movie "Das Boot")

<p>The Fuhrer decrees--and we're stuck with the consequences! 
<br>-From the book "Das Boot" by Lothar-Gunther Buchheim

<p>If the radiance of a thousand suns were to burst forth at once in the sky, that would be like the splendor of the Mighty One.
<br>-Bhagavad Gita (Quoted by J. Robert Oppenheimer at the Trinity test site, Alamogordo, New Mexico, July 16, 1945)

<p>I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.
<br>-Same as above

<p>If my theory of relativity is proven correct, Germany will claim me as a German and France will declare that I am a citizen of the world.  Should my theory prove untrue, France will say that I am a German and Germany will declare that I am a Jew.
<br>-Albert Einstein

<p>*****I met a traveler from an antique land
<br>Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
<br>Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
<br>Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
<br>And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
<br>Tell that its sculptor well those passions read.
<br>Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
<br>The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed;
<br>And on the pedestal these words appear:
<br>"My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
<br>Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!"
<br>Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
<br>Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,
<br>The lone and level sands stretch far away.
<br>-"Ozymandias" by Percy Bysshe Shelley

<p>I know not with what weapons World War Three will be fought with but I do know that World War Four will be fought with sticks and stones. 
<br>-Albert Einstein

<p>The President: "It is the avowed policy of our country never to strike first with nuclear weapons."
<br>General Turgidson: (laughing) "Well Mr. President, I would say that General Ripper has already invalidated <i>that</i> policy!"
<br>-From the movie "Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb"

<p>The President:  "Is there really a chance for that plane to get through?" 
<br>General Turgidson:  "Mr. President, if I may speak freely, the Russkie talks big, but frankly, we think he's short of know-how.  I mean, you just can't expect a bunch of ignorant <i>peons</i> to understand a machine like some of our boys.  And that's not meant as an insult, Mr. Ambassador, I mean, you, you take your average Russkie, we all know how much guts he's got.  Hell, look, look at all them them Nazis killed off and they <i>still</i> wouldn't quit.  If the pilot's good, see, I mean, if he's really...sharp, he can barrel that baby in so low (spreads his arms like wings and laughs manically), you oughtta see it sometime, it's a sight!  A <i>big</i> plane like a '52!  Vroom!  There's jet exhaust, fryin' chickens in the barnyard!"
<br>The President:  "Yes, but has he got a chance?"
<br>General Turgidson:  "Has he got a chance?  Hell Ye...ye..."  (He covers his mouth dumbstruck, suddenly grasping the implications of his words.) 
<br>-Same as above

<p>I cannot forecast to you the action of Russia. It is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma.
<br>-Sir Winston Churchill

<p>*****"My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you today that I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever.  We begin bombing in five minutes."
<br>-Ronald Reagan (said in 1984 when testing a microphone before a radio broadcast (the mike was live at the time))

<p>The end of what is is the beginning of what will be.

<p>In everything one must consider the end.
<br>-Jean de la Foutaine

<p>As you were, I was.  As I am, you will be.
<br>-Heinrich Himmler

<p>You can't win, you can't even break even, and you can't get out of the game. 

<p>*****You can't lose what you don't put on the table.
<br>-From the movie "Rounders"

<p>I love the smell of napalm in the morning!  Smells like...<i>*sniff sniff*</i>...Victory! 
<br>-Col. (?) Killgore (Robert Duvall) (from the movie "Apocalypse Now") 

<p>Never hit a man with glasses.  Always use your fist.

<p>Disfigured Man: "He doesn't like you!"
<br>Luke: (shrugs)
<br>Man: (pushes Luke) "I don't like you either!  We're wanted men!  I have a death sentence on twelve systems!"
<br>Luke: "I'll be careful."
<br>Man: "You'll be dead!"
<br>-Partial dialog from the Mos Eisly Cantina scene (from the movie "Star Wars") (possibly inaccurate)

<p>Tar-baby ain't sayin' nuthin', en Brer Fox, he lay low. 
<br>-Joel Chandler Harris (from the book "Uncle Remus and His Friends") 

<p>A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.

<p>It's not whether you win or lose.  It's whether <i>I</i> win or lose. 
<br>-As seen in the cartoon "Shoe"

<p>Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. 

<p>I've always said that the rules are made for people who aren't willing to make up their own--and, as far as I was concerned, that never described me or my friends. 
<br>-Brig. Gen. Charles E. Yeager (USAF Ret.)

<p>You have to watch the violence or you'll never get desensitized to it. 
<br>-Bart Simpson (possible inaccurate)

<p>When you need to shoot, shoot, don't talk.
<br>-Ugly (from the movie "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly") 

<p>I am sorry to say that there is too much point to the wisecrack that life is extinct on other planets because their scientists were more advanced than ours. 
<br>-John F. Kennedy

<p>*****Either we are alone or we are not; either way is mind boggling.
<br>-Paraphrasing Lee DuBridge, Science Advisor to President Eisenhower (regarding the possible existance of other intelligent life in the galaxy)

<p>Science is the century-old endeavour to bring together by means of systematic thought the perceptible phenomena of this world into as thorough-going an association as possible.  To put it boldly, it is the attempt at a posterior reconstruction of existence by the process of conceptualisation.  Science can only ascertain what is, but not what should be, and outside of its domain value judgements of all kinds remain necessary.
<br>-Albert Einstein

<p>*****Here Men From Planet Earth First Set Foot Upon the Moon. July 1969 A.D.  We Came In Peace For All Mankind.
<br>-Plaque left on the leg of the lunar lander on the first manned moon landing

<p>---------------------------------------
<br>On Government and Politics...

<p>*****Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
<br>-Ronald Reagan

<p>In politics there is no honor.
<br>-Benjamin Disraeli

<p>If you're under 20 and you're already a Republican, you have no heart.  But if you're over 30 and you're still a Democrat, you have no brain.
<br>-From the book "The Truth Machine" by James L. Halperin 

<p>*****The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it.
<br>-P. J. O'Rourke

<p>Justice without strength is helpless, strength without justice is tyrannical [...?] Unable to make what is just strong, we have what is strong just.
<br>-Blaise Pascal

<p>Harshaw conceded that man, a social animal, could not avoid government, any more than an individual could escape bondage to his bowels.  But simply because an evil was inescapable was no reason to term it "good".
<br>-From the book <U>Stranger in a Strange Land</U> by Robert A. Heinlein 

<p>Insecure [...] because of his limited social experience, Pete trusted everyone in general, but no one entirely.
<br>-From the book "The Truth Machine" by James L. Halperin 

<p>To create a public scandal is what's wicked; to sin in private is not a sin. 
<br>-Moli&egrave;re

<p>As far as I'm concerned, I prefer silent vice to ostentatious virtue. 
<br>-Albert Einstein

<p>Indeed I tremble for my county when I reflect that God is just. 
<br>-Thomas Jefferson

<p>Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction.
<br>-Blaise Pascal

<p>*****Surgeon General's Warning: Quitting Religion Now Greatly Increases the Chances of World Peace.

<p>*****A society without religion is like a crazed psychopath without a loaded .45.

<p>*****The missionaries go forth to Christianize the savages -- as if the savages weren't dangerous enough already.
<br>-Edward Abbey

<p>"I'm just trying to keep him out of trouble.  It's for his own good." 
<br>"That's the excuse they gave the tomcat before his operation." 
<br>-From the book <U>Stranger in a Strange Land</U> by Robert A. Heinlein 

<p>Obscurity is the refuge of incompetence.
<br>-Same as above

<p>Reflecting on the meaning of the last presidential election, I have decided at this point in time that Mr. Nixon's landslide victory and my overwhelming defeat will probably prove to be of greater value to the nation than would the victory my supporters and I worked so hard to achieve.  I think history will demonstrate that it was not only important that Mr. Nixon win and I lose, but that the margin should be of stunning proportions [...] The shattering Nixon landslide, and the even more shattering exposure of the corruption that surrounded him, have done more than I could have done in victory to awaken the nation [...] This is not a comfortable conclusion for a confident--some would say self-righteous--politician to reach. 
<br>-George McGovern (from the "Washington Post", August 12, 1973) 

<p>*****An election is coming.  Universal peace is declared, and the foxes have a sincere interest in prolonging the lives of the poultry.
<br>-George Eliot

<p>*****Anybody that wants the presidency so much that he'll spend two years organizing and campaigning for it is not to be trusted with the office.
<br>-David Broder

<p>*****The White House is like a subway: you have to put in coins to open the gates.
<br>-Johnny Chung

<p>*****An honest politician is one who, when he's bought, stays bought.
<br>-Attributed to Senator Simon Cameron

<p>Politics is like the stock market: it's a bad business for people who can't afford to lose. 
<br>-Richard M. Nixon

<p>"Senator, you have the vote of every thinking person!" 
<br>"That's not enough, madam, we need a majority!"
<br>-Adlai E. Stevenson

<p>*****Whenever you find yourself on the side of a majority, it's time to pause and reflect.
<br>-Mark Twain (probably inaccurate)

<p>Although it is not true that all conservatives are stupid people...it is true that most stupid people are conservative.
<br>-John Stuart Mill

<p>The law is no excuse for ignorance.

<p>Ignorance is no excuse for the law.

<p>[...] in a democracy, people usually get the kind of government they deserve. 
<br>-Adlai E. Stevenson

<p>Above also stated as: The problem with democracy is that we get what we collectively deserve.

<p>*****There is much to be said in favor of modern journalism.  By giving us the opinions of the uneducated, it keeps us in touch with the ignorance of the community.
<br>-Oscar Wilde

<p>*****A democracy cannot exist as a permanent form of government.  It can only exist until the voters discover that they can vote themselves largesse from the Public Treasury.  From that moment on, the majority always votes for the candidate promising the most benefits from the Public Treasury with the result that a democracy always collapses over loose fiscal policy always to be followed by dictatorship and then a monarchy.  Those nations always progress through the following sequence:
<br>From bondage to spiritual faith,
<br>from spiritual faith to great courage,
<br>from great courage to liberty,
<br>from liberty to abundance,
<br>from abundance to selfishness,
<br>from selfishness to complacency,
<br>from complacency to dependency,
<br>from dependency back into bondage.
<br>-From the book <u>The Decline and Fall of the Athenian Republic</u> by Alexander Fraser Tytler and Lord Woodhouselee

<p>It is often easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them. 
<br>-Adlai E. Stevenson

<p>*****No man is better than his principles.  Compromise is always wrong when it means sacrificing principle.
<br>-Drake Raft

<p>[...] how much longer will we have to wait before some high-powered shark with a fistful of answers will finally bring us face-to-face with the ugly question that is already so close to the surface in this country, that sooner or later even politicians will have to cope with it?  Is the democracy worth all the risks and problems that necessarily go with it?  Or, would we all be happier by admitting that the whole thing was a lark from the start and now that it hasn't worked out, to hell with it. 
<br>-From the book <U>The Great Shark Hunt</U> by Hunter S. Thompson 

<p>*****We have passed from anger about what's going on in our political system to cynicism and alienation.
<br>-David L. Boren

<p>*****If the government is the only one that possesses guns, are we still a free people?

<p>*****Fear the government that fears your guns.

<p>*****To be yourself, in a world that tries, night and day, to make you just like everybody else, is to fight the greatest battle there ever is to fight; and never stop fighting.
<br>-e. e. cummings

<p>My definition of a free society is a society where it is safe to be unpopular. 
<br>-Adlai E. Stevenson

<p>In America, anyone can become president. That's one of the risks you take. 
<br>-Same as above

<p>A man that should call everything by its right name would hardly pass the streets without being knocked down as a Common Enemy.
<br>-Lord Halifax

<p>"Listen--I'm a politician, which means I'm a cheat and a liar, and when I'm not kissing babies, I'm stealing their lollipops, but it also means I keep my options open."
<br>-Jeffery Pelt (Richard Jordan) (from the movie "The Hunt for Red October") 

<p>I gather, young man, that you wish to be a Member of Parliament.  The first lesson that you must learn is, when I call for statistics about the rate of infant mortality, what I want is proof that fewer babies died when I was Prime Minister than when anyone else was Prime Minister.  That is a political statistic.
<br>-Sir Winston Churchill

<p>*****He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lampposts -- for support rather than illumination.
<br>-Andrew Lang

<p>*****Democracy is an abuse of statistics.
<br>-Jorge Luis Borges

<p>[...] the scum always rises when the water gets hot.
<br>-From the book "Better than Sex" by Hunter S. Thompson 

<p>"We can't say that, Lyndon.  It's not true."
<br>"Of course it's not, but let's make the bastard deny it." 
<br>-Lyndon Johnson

<p>If the right people had been in charge of Nixon's funeral, his casket would have been launched into one of those open-sewage canals that empty into the ocean just south of Los Angeles.  He was a swine of a man and a jabbering dupe of a president.  Nixon was so crooked that he needed servants to help him screw his pants on every morning.  Even his funeral was illegal.  He was queer in the deepest way.  His body should have been burned in a trash bin. 
<br>These are harsh words for a man only recently canonized by President Clinton and my old friend George McGovern -- but I have written worse things about Nixon, many times, and the record will show that I kicked him repeatedly long before he went down.  I beat him like a mad dog with mange every time I got a chance, and I am proud of it.  He was scum.
<br>Let there be no mistake in the history books about that.  Richard Nixon was a evil man -- evil in every way that only those who believe in the physical reality of the Devil can understand it.  He was utterly without ethics or moral or any bedrock sense of decency.  Nobody trusted him -- except maybe the Stalinist Chinese, and honest historians will remember him mainly as a rat who kept scrambling to get back on the ship. 
<br>-From the book "Better than Sex" by Hunter S. Thompson 

<p>*****He told us he was going to take crime out of the streets.  He did.  He took it into the damn White House.
<br>-Ralph Abernathy on Richard Nixon

<p>The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants.
<br>-Thomas Jefferson

<p>*****The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
<br>-Attributed to Edmund Burke

<p>'Tis better to die on one's feet than to live on one's knees. 

<p>"Liberty!  What crimes are committed in thy name!"
<br>-Madame Roland (passing a statue to Liberty on her way to the guillotine in 1794) 

<p>Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.
<br>-Possibly Mahatma Ghandi

<p>We pretend to work, and they pretend to pay us.
<br>-Soviet peasants

<p>If you can't feed 'em, give 'em a parade.

<p>A hungry stomach cannot hear.
<br>-Jean de la Foutaine

<p>Don't steal.  The Government hates competition!
<br>-Sign in The Skyline Caf&eacute;

<p>Like doctors and lawyers, most of the best minds in police work have been trained since puberty to think in terms of patterns and precedents: Anything original tends to have the same kind of effect on their investigative machinery as a casually mutilated punch-card fed into a computer.  The immediate result is chaos and false conclusions. 
<br>-From the book <U>The Great Shark Hunt</U> by Hunter S. Thompson 

<p>"If you want the cops to leave you alone you have to shake em up.  If we make a scene with less than fifteen bikes they'll always bust us.  but if we show up with a hundred or two hundred they'll give us a goddamn escort, they'll show a little respect.  Cops are like anybody else: they don't want any more trouble than they can handle." 
<br>-Ralph "Sonny" Barger (from the book "Hell's Angels" by Hunter S. Thompson)

<p>A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always count on the support of Paul. 
<br>-George Bernard Shaw

<p>*****Politics is the art of obtaining money from the rich and votes from the poor on the pretext of protecting each from the other.

<p>If pro is the opposite of con, is Progress the opposite of Congress? 

<p>[...] the Ministry of Truth, which concerned itself with news, entertainment, education, and the fine arts; the Ministry of Peace, which concerned itself with war; the Ministry of Love, which maintained law and order; and the Ministry of Plenty, which was responsible for economic affairs. 
<br>-From the book <U>1984</U> by George Orwell

<p>Who controls the past controls the future: who controls the present controls the past. 
<br>-Party slogan (from the book <U>1984</U> by George Orwell) 

<p>War is Peace
<br>Freedom is Slavery
<br>Ignorance is Strength
<br>-Same as above

<p>*****Orthodoxy means not thinking -- not needing to think.
<br>-From the book <U>1984</U> by George Orwell

<p>*****Your worst enemy [...] was your own nervous system.
<br>-Same as above

<p>*****Winston watched [the proles] disgustedly.  And yet, just for a moment, what almost frightening power had sounded in that cry from only a few hundred throats!  Why was it that they could never shout like that about anything that mattered?  <i>Until they become conscious they will never rebel, and until after they have rebelled they cannot become conscious.</i>
<br>-Same as above

<p>*****The heresy of heresies was common sense.  And what was terrifying was not that they would kill you for thinking otherwise, but that they might be right.  For, after all, how do we know that two and two make four?  Or that the force of gravity works?  Or that the past is unchangable?  If both the past and the external world exist only in the mind, and if the mind itself is controllable -- what then?
<br>-Same as above

<p>*****Truisms are true, hold on to that!  The solid world exists, its laws do not change.  Stones are hard, water is wet, objects unsupported fall toward the Earth's center.  With the feeling that he was speaking to O'Brien, and also that he was setting forth an important axiom, he wrote: <i>Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two makes four.  If that is granted, all else follows.</i>
<br>-Same as above

<p>*****It struck him that in moments of crisis one is never fighting against an external enemy but always against one's own body.  [...]  And it is the same, he perceived, in all seemingly heroic or tragic situations.  On the battlefield, in the torture chamber, on a sinking ship, the issues that you are fighting for are always forgotten, because the body swells up until it fills the universe, and even when you are not paralyzed by fright or screaming with pain, life is a moment-to-moment struggle against hunger or cold or sleeplessness, against a sour stomach or an aching tooth.
<br>-Same as above

<p>*****When you make love you're using up energy; and afterwards you feel happy and don't give a damn for anything.  They can't bear you to feel like that.  They want you to be bursting with energy all the time.  All this marching up and down and cheering and waving flags is simply sex gone sour.  If you're happy inside yourself, why should you get excited about Big Brother and the Three-Year Plans and the Two Minutes Hate and all the rest of their bloody rot?
<br>-Same as above

<p>*****"I'm not interested in the next generation, dear.  I'm interested in <i>us</i>."
<br>"You're only a rebel from the waist downward."
<br>-Same as above

<p>*****The primary aim of modern warfare [...] is to use up the products of the machine without raising the general standard of living.
<br>-Same as above

<p>*****The aim of the High is to remain where they are.  The aim of the Middle is to change places with the High.  The aim of the Low, when they have an aim -- for it is an abiding characteristic of the Low that they are too much crushed by drudgery to be more than intermittenly conscious of anything outside their daily lives -- is to abolish all distinctions and create a society in which all men shall be equal.
<br>-Same as above

<p>*****The essence of oligarchical rule is not father-to-son inheritance, but the persistance of a certain world-view and a certain way of life, imposed by the dead upon the living.  A ruling group is a ruling group so long as it can nominate its successors.
<br>-Same as above

<p>*****What opinions the masses hold, or do not hold, is looked upon as a matter of indifference.  The can be granted intellectual liberty becasue they have no intellect.
<br>-Same as above

<p>*****The mutability of the past is the central tenet of Ingsoc.  Past events, it is argued, have no objective existance, but survive only in written records and in human memories.  The past is whatever the records and the memories agree upon.  And since the Party is in full control of all records, and in equally full control of the minds of its members, it follows that the past is whatever the Party chooses to make it.
<br>-Same as above

<p>*****<i>Doublethink</i> means the power of holding two contradictory beliefs in one's mind simultaneously, and accepting both of them.
<br>-Same as above

<p>*****Only the disciplined mind can see reality, Winston.  You believe that reality is something objective, external, existing in its own right.  You also believe that the nature of reality is self-evident.  [...]  But I tell you, Winston, that reality is not external.  Reality exists in the human mind, and nowhere else.
<br>-Same as above

<p>*****The command of the old despotisims was 'Thou shalt not'.  The command of the totalitarians was 'Thou shalt'.  Our command is '<i>Thou art</i>'.
<br>-Same as above

<p>*****What happens to you here is forever.  Understand that in advance.  We shall crush you down to the point from which there is no coming back.  Things will happen to you from which you could not recover, if you lived a thousand years.  Never again will you be capable of ordinary human feeling.  Everything will be dead inside you.  Never again will you be capable of love, or friendship, or joy of living, or laughter, or curiosity, or courage, or integrity.  You will be hollow.  We shall squeeze you empty, and then we shall fill you with ourselves.
<br>-Same as above

<p>*****What can you do [...] against the lunatic who is more intelligent than yourself, who gives your arguments a fair hearing and then simply persists in his lunacy?
<br>-Same as above

<p>*****One does not establish a dictatorship to safeguard a revolution; one makes the revolution in order to establish the dictatorship.
<br>-Same as above

<p>*****We control matter because we control the mind.  Reality is inside the skull.
<br>-Same as above

<p>*****You are imagining that there is something called human nature which will be outraged by what we do and will turn against us.  But we create human nature.  Men are infinitely malleable.
<br>-Same as above

<p>If a nation expects to be ignorant and free, in a state of civilization, it expects what never was and never will be.
<br>-Thomas Jefferson

<p>So far as a man thinks, he is free.
<br>-Ralph Waldo Emerson

<p>*****I fear nothing, I hope nothing, I am free.
<br>-Nikos Kazatzakis

<p>*****Freedom of the press belongs to those who own one.
<br>-From the book <u>Zen and the Art of the Internet</u>

<p>Sylvia:  "He's not a performer, he's a prisoner.  Look at him.  Look at what you've done to him."
<br>Christof:  "He can leave at any time.  If it was more than just a vague ambition, if he was absolutely determined to discover the truth, there's no way we could prevent him from leaving.  What distresses you, really, caller, is that ultimately, Truman prefers his 'cell', as you call it."
<br>-From the movie "The Truman Show"

<p>He who is swift to believe is swift to forget.
<br>-Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel

<p>If you believe everything you read, better not read.

<p>Can you not see that wisdom is trust, goodness is acceptance, and contentment is simplicity?
<br>-Lao-tse

<p>One must not be more royalist than the king.
<br>-Saying from the time of Louis XVI

<p>*****It is dangerous to be right in matters on which the established authorities are wrong.
<br>-Voltaire

<p>What luck for rulers that men do not think.
<br>-Adolf Hitler

<p>*****A life predicated on being obedient and taking orders is a very comfortable life indeed.  Living in such a way reduces to a minimum one's own need to think.
<br>-Adolf Eichmann

<p>Washington is a city of southern efficiency and northern charm. 
<br>-Unknown (probably Mark Twain)

<p>I didn't earn it, I don't need it, but if they miss one payment I'll raise Hell! 
<br>-Grandpa Simpson on money from the Government

<p>A billion here, a billion there--pretty soon it adds up to real money. 
<br>-Senator Everett Dirkson

<p>---------------------------------------
<br>On Religion, Science, Philosophy, and Related Topics... 

<p>It does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods or no god.  It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.
<br>-Thomas Jefferson

<p>If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end in doubts; but if he will be content to begin with doubts, he shall end in certainties.
<br>-Francis Bacon

<p>*****Fundamentalism means never having to say "I'm wrong."

<p>*****Doubt is the key to knowledge.
<br>-Persian Proverb

<p>*****An open mind, like an open window, should be screened to keep the bugs out.
<br>-Virginia Hutchinson

<p>*****The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.
<br>-Terry Pratchett

<p>*****A mind once stretched by new thoughts can never regain its original shape.
<br>-Albert Einstein

<p>*****Iron rusts from disuse; stagnant water loses its purity and in cold weather becomes frozen; even so does inaction sap the vigour of the mind.
<br>-Leonardo da Vinci

<p>Skeptical scrutiny is the means, in both science and religion, by which deep thoughts can be winnowed from deep nonsense.
<br>-Carl Sagan

<p>It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness. 
<br>-Same as above

<p>*****Humanity's first sin was faith; the first virtue was doubt.

<p>*****Any belief worth having must survive doubt.

<p>*****There are two kinds of light -- the glow that illumines, and the glare that obscures.
<br>-James Thurber

<p>*****[...?] Another writer again agreed with all my generalities, but said that as an inveterate skeptic I have closed my mind to the truth.  Most notably I have ignored the evidence for an Earth that is six thousand years old.  Well, I haven't ignored it; I considered the purported evidence and <i>then</i> rejected it.  There is a difference, and this is a difference, we might say, between prejudice and postjudice.  Prejudice is making a judgment before you have looked at the facts.  Postjudice is making a judgment afterwards.  Prejudice is terrible, in the sense that you commit injustices and you make serious mistakes.  Postjudice is not terrible.  You can't be perfect of course; you may make mistakes also.  But it is permissible to make a judgment after you have examined the evidence.  In some circles it is even encouraged.
<br>-Carl Sagan

<p>*****Facts are the air of scientists. Without them you can never fly.
<br>-Ivan Pavlov

<p>When the solution is simple, God is answering.
<br>-Albert Einstein

<p>*****Seek simplicity, and distrust it.
<br>-Alfred North Whitehead

<p>Set Reason firmly in her seat and call on her tribunal for every fact, every opinion.  Question with boldness even the existence of God, for if there be one he must more approve of homage to reason than that of Blind Faith.
<br>-Thomas Jefferson

<p>*****Very few beings really seek knowledge in this world. Mortal or immortal, few really ASK. On the contrary, they try to wring from the unknown the answers they have already shaped in their own minds -- justifications, confirmations, forms of consolation without which they can't go on. To really ask is to open the door to the whirlwind. The answer may annihilate the question and the questioner.
<br>-From the book <u>The Vampire Lestat</u> by Anne Rice

<p>*****One of the tricks to evaluating any situation is knowing how far back to stand while you look at it.
<br>-Lewis W. Napper

<p>Losing an illusion makes you wiser than finding a truth. 
<br>-Ludwig Borne

<p>*****Convictions are more dangerous enemies of truth than lies.
<br>-Friedrich Nietzsche

<p>*****Madness is rare in individuals -- but in groups, parties, nations, and ages it is the rule.
<br>-Same as above

<p>*****Yes I know my enemies:
<br>They're the teachers who taught me to fight me
<br>Compromise, conformity, assimilation, submission,
<br>Ignorance, hypocrisy, brutality, the elite
<br>All of which are American dreams
<br>All of which are American dreams
<br>All of which are American dreams...
<br>-Rage Against The Machine, "Know Your Enemy"

<p>*****If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.
<br>-Isaac Newton

<p>The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement.  But the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
<br>-Niels Bohr

<p>*****I don't believe in anything, Mother.  [...] You told Armand long ago that you believe you'll find the answers in the great jungles and forests; that the stars will finally reveal a vast truth.  But I don't believe in anything.  And that makes me stronger than you think.
<br>-From the book <u>The Vampire Lestat</u> by Anne Rice

<p>As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.
<br>-Albert Einstein

<p>I have never felt comfortable around people who talk about their feeling for Jesus, or any other deity for that matter, because they are usually none too bright ... Or maybe "stupid" is a better way of saying it; but I have never seen much point in getting heavy with either stupid people or Jesus freaks, just as long as they don't bother me.
<br>-From the book <U>The Great Shark Hunt</U> by Hunter S. Thompson

<p>Faith is that quality which enables us to believe what we know to be untrue.

<p>*****Faith is to the human what sand is to the ostrich.

<p>*****Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day.  Give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish.

<p>The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is at all comprehensible.
<br>-Albert Einstein

<p>Knowledge is power.
<br>-Francis Bacon

<p>It is virtually not assimilable to our reason that a small, lonely man felled a giant in the midst of his limosines, his legions, his throng, and his security.  If such a nonentity destroyed the leader of the most powerful nation on earth, then a world of disproportion engulfs us, and we live in a universe that is absurd.
<br>-Norman Mailer on JFK's assination (from the book "The Truth Machine" by James L. Halperin) (indirect)

<p>It's only murder when innocent people die.
<br>-From the book <U>Without Remorse</U> by Tom Clancy

<p>"If the government decides that killing people is the correct course of action in the pursuit of our national interests, then such killing falls outside the legal definition of murder, doesn't it?"
<br>-From the book <U>Clear and Present Danger</U> by Tom Clancy 

<p>Ned Flanders: "Is God angry with me?"
<br>Rev. Lovejoy: "Welll...short answer yes...with an if, long answer no...with a but." 
<br>-From the TV show "The Simpsons" (possibly inaccurate) 

<p>[...] goodness alone is <i>never</i> enough.  A hard, cold wisdom is required for goodness to accomplish good.  Goodness without wisdom always accomplishes evil. 
<br>-From the book "Stranger in a Strange Land" by Robert A. Heinlein 

<p>*****When written in Chinese, the word 'crisis' is composed of two characters.  One represents danger and the other represents opportunity.
<br>-John F. Kennedy

<p>The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men of zeal, well-meaning but without understanding [...?] 
<br>-Supreme Court Justice Brandeis

<p>First, they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out because I was not a socialist. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist. Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew. Then they came for me, and there was no one left to speak for me.
<br>-Pastor Martin Niemoeller

<p>Your silence will not protect you.
<br>-Audre Lorde

<p>*****When they took the 2nd amendment, I was silent because I didn't own guns. When they took the 4th amendment, I was silent because I didn't deal drugs.  When they took the 5th amendment, I was silent because I was innocent.  Now they've taken the 1st amendment, and I can say nothing about it.
<br>-As seen on www.gwbush.com

<p>And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. 
<br>-<U>Bible</U>, John 8:32 (KJV)

<p>There is not a truth existing which I fear [...?] or would wish unknown to the whole world.
<br>-Thomas Jefferson

<p>The Church says the Earth is flat.  But I know that it is round, for I have seen the shadow on the Moon, and I have more Faith in a shadow than in the Church. 
<br>-Ferdinand Magellan

<p>Faith is the great cop-out, the great excuse to evade the need to think and evaluate evidence.  Faith is belief in spite of, even perhaps because of, the lack of evidence. 
<br>-Unknown

<p>I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world.
<br>-Unknown (same source as above?)

<p>*****He sewed his eyes shut because he is afraid to see.
<br>He tries to tell me what to put inside of me.
<br>He's got the answers to ease my curiosity.
<br>He dreamed a god up, and called it Christianity.
<br>[...]
<br>He flexed his muscles to keep his flock of sheep in line.
<br>He made a virus that would kill off all the swine.
<br>His perfect kingdom of killing, suffering, and pain,
<br>Demands devotion, atrocities done in his name!
<br>-Trent Reznor (from the song "Heresy")

<p>*****Explaining the unknown by means of the unobservable is always a perilous business.

<p>*****Two hands working can do more than a thousand hands clasped in prayer.

<p>There are only two ways to live your life.  One is as though nothing is a miracle.  The other is as though everything is a miracle.
<br>-Albert Einstein

<p>*****To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.
<br>-Thomas Campbell

<p>I would love to believe that when I die I will live again, that some thinking, feeling, remembering part of me will continue.  But as much as I want to believe that, and despite the ancient and world-wide cultural traditions that assert an afterlife, I know of nothing to suggest that it is more than wishful thinking.
<br>-Carl Sagan

<p>There are only two things of which we, as human beings, can be certain.  We know we exist, and we know we're going to die.  Everything else is debatable.  Some scholars define religion simply as our attempt to make logical sense of those two facts.
<br>-From the book "The Truth Machine" by James L. Halperin 

<p>*****We are torn between the craving to know and the despair of having known.
<br>-Carl Sagan

<p>Everything is the product of accumulated accident.
<br>-From the book "Satan is Alive and Well on Planet Earth" by Hal Lindsay (out of context)

<p>Live fast, die young, and have a good-looking corpse.
<br>-Existentialist motto

<p>*****His philosophy was a mixture of three famous schools -- the Cynics, the Stoics, and the Epicureans -- and summed up all three of them in his famous phrase, "You can't trust any bugger further than you can throw him, and there's nothing you can do about it, so let's have a drink."
<br>-Terry Pratchett

<p>When I became convinced that the universe is natural, that all the ghosts and gods are myths, there entered into my 
brain, into my soul, into every drop of my blood the sense, the feeling, the joy of freedom.  The walls of my prison crumbled and fell.  The dungeon was flooded with light and all the bolts and bars and manacles became dust.  I was no longer a servant, a serf, or a slave.  There was for me no master in all the wide world, not even in infinite space.  I was free -- free to think, to express my thoughts -- free to live my own ideal, free to live for myself and those I loved, free to use all my faculties, all my senses, free to spread imagination's wings, free to investigate, to guess and dream and hope, free to judge and determine for myself ... I was free!  I stood erect and fearlessly, joyously faced all worlds.
<br>-Robert G. Ingersoll

<p>*****"To be godless is the first step to innocence, [...] to lose the sense of sin and subordination, the false grief for things supposed to be lost."
<br>"So by innocence you mean not an absence of experience, but an absence of illusions."
<br>"An absence of need for illusions.  [...] A love of and respect for what is right before your eyes."
<br>-From the book <u>The Vampire Lestat</u> by Anne Rice

<p>Who is he that shall control me?  Why may not I act and speak and write and think with entire freedom?  What am I to the universe, or, the unvierse, what is it to me?  Who hath forged the chains of wrong and right, of Opinion and Custom?  And must I wear them? 
<br>-Ralph Waldo Emerson

<p>*****A man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's heaven for?
<br>-Robert Browning

<p>Stone walls do not a prison make, nor iron bars a cage [...?] 
<br>-Robert Lovelace

<p>Stone walls a prisoner make, but not a slave.
<br>-Wordsworth

<p>*****The moment the slave resolves that he will no longer be a slave, his fetters fall.  He frees himself and shows the way to others.  Freedom and slavery are mental states.
<br>-Mahatma Gandhi

<p>What other dungeon is so dark as one's own heart!  What jailer so inexorable as one's self!
<br>-Nathaniel Hawthorne

<p>[...] if I were not an atheist, I would believe in a God who would choose to save people on the basis of the totality of their lives and not the pattern of their words.  I think he would prefer an honest and righteous atheist to a TV preacher whose every word is God, God, God, and whose every deed is foul, foul, foul.
<br>-Isaac Asimov on God

<p>Infinite torture can only be a punishment for infinite evil [...] Besides, if most human governments are civilized enough to try to eliminate torture and outlaw cruel and unusual punishments, can we expect anything less of an all-merciful God?
<br>-Isaac Asimov on Hell

<p>"I am sure you believe that I will go to hell when I die, and that once there I will suffer all the pains and tortures the sadistic ingenuity of your deity can devise and that this torture will continue forever.  Isn't that enough for you?  Do you have to call me bad names in addition?"
<br>-Isaac Asimov (in response to a denunciation by a religionist) 

<p>*****If there were an afterlife, Isaac Asimov would have written a book about it by now.

<p>*****I contend that we are both atheists.  I just believe in one fewer god than you do.  When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours.
<br>-Stephen Roberts

<p>*****Theists think all gods but theirs are false.  Atheists simply don't make an exception for the last one.

<p>My young son asked me what happens after we die.  I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies.  I guess I should have told him the truth--that most of us go to Hell and burn eternally--but I didn't want to upset him. 
<br>-Jack Handey

<p>The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who, in times of great moral crisis, maintain their neutrality.
<br>-Dante

<p>*****There are no saints, only unrecognized villains.

<p>One of the basic laws of politics is that Action Moves Away from the Center. 
<br>-From the book <U>The Great Shark Hunt</U> by Hunter S. Thompson 

<p>Humanity has been compared [...] to a sleeper who handles matches in his sleep and wakes to find himself in flames.
<br>-H. G. Wells (from the book <U>The World Set Free</U>) 

<p>Then he made the molten sea; it was round, ten cubits from brim to brim, and five cubits high, and a line of thirty cubits measured its circumference.
<br>-<U>Bible</U>, 2 Chronicles 4:2 (the exact value of Pi) 

<p>Then spoke Joshua to the Lord in the day when the Lord gave the Amorites over to the men of Israel; and he said in the sight of Israel, "Sun, stand thou still at Gibeon, and thou Moon in the valley of Ai'jalon."  And the sun stood still, and the moon stayed, until the nation took vengeance on their enemies.  Is this not written in the Book of Jashar?  The sun stayed in the midst of heaven, and did not hasten to go down for about a whole day.
<br>-<U>Bible</U>, Joshua 10:12-13 (the Earth as the center of the solar system) 

<p>The Religions:
<br>Taoism: Shit happens.
<br>Hinduism: This shit happened before.
<br>Confucianism: Confucius say: Shit happens.
<br>Buddhism: It is only an illusion of shit happening.
<br>Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?
<br>Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
<br>Jehovah's Witnesses: Knock, knock: 'Shit happens.'
<br>Atheism: There is no such thing as shit.
<br>Agnosticism: Maybe shit happens, and maybe it doesn't.
<br>Protestantism: Shit won't happen if I work harder.
<br>Catholicism: If shit happens, I deserve it.
<br>Judaism: Why does shit always happen to me?
<br>Televangelism: Send money or shit will happen to you.
<br>Rastafarian: Smoke that shit.

<p>Christians: can't live with 'em, can't feed 'em to the lions anymore. 
<br>-Bumper sticker

<p>*****For God so loved the world, that he gave His only begotten son, that whosoever would believe in Him would believe in anything.

<p>The Fool says in his heart, "There is no God."  The Wise Man says it to the world.

<p>I confess freely to you, I could never look long upon a monkey, without very mortifying reflections.
<br>-Sarah Norcliffe Cleghorn

<p>The ape, vilest of beasts, how like to us.
<br>-Quintus Ennius

<p>Darwinian man, though well-behaved/At best is only a monkey shaved! 
<br>-William Schwenck Gilbert

<p>*****Man is the only creature who refuses to be what he is.
<br>-Albert Camus

<p>As with the Christian religion, the worst advertisement for Socialism is its adherents. 
<br>-George Orwell

<p>*****The world holds two classes of men -- intelligent men without religion, and religious men without intelligence.
<br>-Abu'l-Ala-Al-Ma'arri

<p>Of all the world's religions, those that place their faith in human nature have the shakiest foundation.
<br>-From the book "The Nanotech Chronicles" by Michael Flynn 

<p>The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact than a drunken man is happier than a sober one.
<br>-George Bernard Shaw

<p>We have grasped the mystery of the atom and rejected the Sermon on the Mount. 
<br>-Gen. Omar Bradley

<p>A man without a god is like a fish without a bicycle
<br>-Seen inscribed upon a bathroom wall at Berkeley

<p>[...] Woman was God's <i>second</i> mistake.
<br>-Friedrich Nietzsche

<p>Gentlemen, God is dead!
<br>-Same as above

<p>Giant planes throb through the stratosphere, but half their passengers are wearing magic amulets and are protected from harm by voodoo incantations [...?] Earnest suburbanites in sack suits go in their automobiles to celebrate the ancient rites of Attis and Mithra, theophagous in grape juice.  On the first Sunday after the full moon following the vernal equinox we dye eggs, according to immemorial custom, and seven days before the end of the year worship the pine tree, as did our neolithic forbears. 
<br>-Professor Bergen Evans

<p>The command "Be fruitful and multiply" was promulgated according to our authorities, when the population of the world consisted of two persons. 
<br>-William Ralph Inge

<p>They express a preference for 'natural' methods of population limitation, and a natural method is exactly what they are going to get.  It is called starvation.
<br>-From the book "The Selfish Gene"

<p>The energies of our system will decay, the glory of the sun will be dimmed, and the Earth, tideless and inert, will no longer tolerate the race which has for a moment disturbed its solitude.  Man will go down into the pit, and all his thoughts will perish.
<br>-Arthur James Balfour

<p>*****Death is the lot of all of us, and the only way the human race has ever conquered death is by treating it with contempt.  By living every golden minute as if one had all eternity.
<br>-Robert A. Heinlein

<p>This is one of the hardest lessons for humans to learn. We cannot admit that things might be neither good nor evil, neither cruel nor kind, but simply callous--indifferent to all suffering, lacking all purpose.
<br>-From the book "River out of Eden"

<p>A lot of people have it in their heads that God gave them a guarantee when they were born.  At least seventy years of vigorous life, hard work will earn solid rewards, your wife will be faithful, your sons courageous, your daughters virtuous, <i>justice</i> will be done, <i>love</i> will be enough--in the event of problems, the manufacturer will set things right.  Like hell!  The truth is that life [...] is fraught with hazards.  We are all up on that tightrope trying to keep our balance.  Inevitably, people fall off. 
<br>-Flap LeBeau (from the book <U>The Intruders</U> by Stephen Coonts) 

<p>[...] there's really no such thing as bad news.  Whether an event is good or bad depends on where you've got your money.
<br>-Real McCoy (from the book <U>The Intruders</U> by Stephen Coonts) 

<p>[...] if the United States goes down the slop chute someday because no one wants to fight for it, so be it.  No doubt the Americans alive then will get precisely what they deserve, ounce for ounce and measure for measure.
<br>-From the book <U>The Intruders</U> by Stephen Coonts

<p>*****I also think there are prices too high to pay to save the United States.  Conscription is one of them.  Conscription is slavery, and I don't think that any people or nation has a right to save itself at the price of slavery for anyone, no matter what name it is called.  We have had the draft for twenty years now; I think this is shameful.  If a country can't save itself through the volunteer service of its own free people, then I say: Let the damned thing go down the drain!
<br>-Robert A. Heinlein

<p>*****Every citizen should be a soldier.  This was the case with the Greeks and Romans, and must be that of every free state.
<br>-Thomas Jefferson

<p>It isn't the fall that kills you, ...or the stop at the bottom--it's the sudden realization that, indeed, you <i>are</i> this fucking stupid.
<br>-Jake Grafton (from the book <U>The Intruders</U> by Stephen Coonts) 

<p>In a world of thieves, the only final sin is stupidity. 
<br>-From the book <U>Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas</U> by Hunter S. Thompson 

<p>What is Matter?--Never mind.  What is Mind?--No matter. 
<br>-Punch (?)

<p>We paid for all this stuff, so, thanks for nothing.
<br>-Bart Simpson's prayer

<p>Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub.
<br>-Same as above

<p>From ghosties and ghoulies and long leggety beasties/And things that go bump in the night, Good Lord, deliver us!
<br>-Scottish prayer

<p>From each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs. 

<p>Religion [...] is the opiate of the masses.
<br>-Karl Marx (possibly inaccurate)

<p>Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by rulers as useful.
<br>-Seneca the Younger

<p>*****The men the American people admire most extravagantly are the most daring liars; the men they detest most violently are those who try to tell them the truth.
<br>-H. L. Mencken

<p>The minority, the ruling class at present, has the schools and press, usually the Church as well, under its thumb.  This enables it to organize and sway the emotions of the masses, and make its tool of them.
<br>-Albert Einstein (from a letter to Sigmund Freud, 30 July, 1932) 

<p>Every Communist must grasp the truth: political power grows out of the barrel of a gun.
<br>-Mao Tse-tung (possibly inaccurate)

<p>Laws that forbid the carrying of arms [...?] disarm only those who are neither inclined nor determined to commit crimes [...?]  Such laws make things worse for the assaulted and better for the assailants; they serve rather to encourage than to prevent homicides, for an unarmed man may be attacked with greater confidence than an armed man.
<br>-Thomas Jefferson, quoting Cesare Beccaria

<p>I can no longer sit back and allow Communist <i>infiltration</i>, Communist <i>indoctrination</i>, Communist <i>subversion</i>, and the international Communist <i>conspiracy</i> to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.
<br>-General Jack D. Ripper (from the movie "Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb")

<p>Whenever a system of communication evolves, there is always the danger that some will exploit the system for their own ends.
<br>-From the book "The Selfish Gene"

<p>What is a Communist?  One who hath yearnings/For equal division of unequal earnings.
<br>-Ebenezer Elliot

<p>The basic law of capitalism is you or I, not both you and I. 
<br>-Karl Leibknecht

<p>Wherever they burn books they will also, in the end, burn human beings. 
<br>-Heinrich Heine

<p>*****Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public mind.
<br>-General William Westmoreland

<p>What is a rebel?  A man who says no.
<br>-Albert Camus

<p>Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve
neither Liberty nor Safety.
<br>-Benjamin Franklin

<p>I would rather be exposed to the inconveniences attending too much liberty than to those
attending too small a degree of it.
<br>-Thomas Jefferson

<p>*****The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
<br>-Oliver Wendell Holmes

<p>---------------------------------------
<br>Politically Correct... (correction: Culturally Sensitive) 

<p>PC for "kill": "render non-viable"

<p>Abbreviation for "He or She or It": H'orSh'It.

<p>Another term for "hunting": "Bambicide"
<br>-From the TV show "Northern Exposure"

<p>Another term for "cross-dresser": "gender illusionist"
<br>-As seen on a TV talk show

<p>Redundancy: "Criminal Lawyer"

<p>Help stamp out, reduce, and eliminate redundancy.

<p>---------------------------------------
<br>Frivolity, Puns, and Other Oddities...

<p>The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. 

<p>Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

<p>*****Why does the Vatican have lightning rods?

<p>Holy Kleenex, Batman!  It was right under our nose and we blew it! 
<br>-Robin to Batman (from the original "Batman" movie ? (1966 ?)) 

<p>That was only two thirds of a pun!  P. U.!

<p>From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put.
<br>-Sir Winston Churchill

<p>A disciple of another sect once came to Drescher as he was eating his morning meal.  "I would like to give you this personality test", said the outsider, "because I want you to be happy."
<br>Drescher took the paper that was offered him and put it into the toaster, saying: "I wish the toaster to be happy, too."
<br>-An AI koan (from "The New Hacker's Dictionary") (indirect) 

<p>---------------------------------------
<br>Bumper-Stickers and T-Shirts...

<p>69: Breakfast of Champions.

<p>186282 miles per second...it's not just a good idea, it's the law. 

<p>Politicians and diapers need to be changed...often for the same reason. 

<p>MORE JOBS?!  What about LESS PEOPLE?

<p>I can't go to work today.  The voices said "Stay home and clean the guns." 

<p>Join the Army; travel to exotic lands; meet exciting, unusual people and kill them. 

<p>God, protect me from your followers.

<p>I THINK therefore I'm dangerous.

<p>People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's easier to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.

<p>D.A.R.E. to think for yourself.

<p>We do not inherit the Earth from our parents, we borrow it from our children. 
<br>-(possibly inaccurate)

<p>There's this thing called being so open-minded your brain falls out.

<p>Invest in America: Buy A Congressman.

<p>*****Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

<p>*****All I ask is a chance to <i>prove</i> that money won't make me happy.

<p>*****If you can't trust me with a choice, how can you trust me with a child?

<p>*****If you're not OUTRAGED, you're not PAYING ATTENTION!

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